I need to go to the bathroom

No, seriously. I need to go to bathroom. It's a common problem we all have. I mean who wants to take time out of their day to sit on a porcelain chair or stand in front of a porcelain vending machine with a handle? I don't. I mean it's nice they put up those privacy walls and all, but I mean really, I have a lot better shit (ha!ha!-pun intended) I'd rather be doing. So here's the thing, after my 152nd Grande Latte from Starbucks, sometimes I have to take a leak. And yes, women can take leaks too. But fuck, it seems that even performing biological functions have become a god damn controversy and political debate. Look, I don't give a FUCK who is in the bathroom with me. You know why? Because never, not ever, in all of my years of going to the fucking bathroom has anyone tried to molest me in the bathroom or shown me their junk in the bathroom. Does this happen? Probably, but not to me and probably not to you. You know what will make bathrooms safer? Don't fucking have any. Just having a fucking room with a changing table for babies, because well, they have no control over that shit, literally. Everyone else, fuck you and do what your parents taught you when you were little "go before we leave". I mean seriously? Think about how ridiculous this is. You're worried about who is going to the bathroom with you. The place you piss and shit and then leave. Do you really think that if someone wanted to molest or rape you they would let a little thing like the gender sign on a bathroom door stop them? Is there a fucking police officer in the bathroom with you? (I mean in prison, sure, but not normally) Are you really that ignorant to believe that transgenders or homosexuals are waiting for the opportunity to expose themselves or molest you or your children while in the fucking bathroom at Target? They leave that shit to fucking closeted sick fucks like the Senator from Minnesota (not gay or transgender by the way) and Jared from Subway.  Look, you mother fuckers are taking this shit waaayyy too seriously. You get on your fucking religious stump about how you don't want your children exposed to this or that or God said this or that. Let me fucking explain this to you really slowly so you understand. The LGBT community is just like every other community on this planet, they don't want to bother you, and they don't want you to bother them, period.  I actually heard something that made complete sense to me and of all places on a TV show I was watching, the horrible sinning homosexual said "Why do people not ask me about my beliefs? I am a Christian too. I believe in God and God's laws." Great fucking question. You may not believe this, but I'm actually not an activist for LGBT or for anything specific for that matter. You know what I am an activist for? You minding your own fucking business about what every fucking body else is doing that your God, your Bible and your fucking ignorance doesn't like or doesn't agree with. If you keep this segregating bullshit up, pretty soon you're going to be on the outside of that fucking little inner circle you love so much. It's going to be you and your kids that can't use the fucking bathroom anymore. So keep not going to Target, more shit for me and fewer lines in the bathroom. Keep up your bullshit and one day you'll be wishing that I would write a blog post for you and your "kind" to bring awareness to your plight. And you know, even though you're an ignorant asshole, I will probably do it because that's the kind of person I am. So please excuse me while I go to the bathroom.... that Starbucks just runs right through me.