I'm sorry.....

It takes a big person to admit they are wrong and a bigger person (damn those Krispy Kremes) to announce it to the world. But, I am a big enough person (in heart not size) to do BOTH. Contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect. Not that I ever claimed that I was, but you know how it is, you write a few spectacular blogs and right away people assume. ;0) I make mistakes, sometimes big ones, HUGE ones. In the past it's been extremely difficult to admit to when I had erred. And say "I'm sorry"?...Uh, never. I always felt like if someone got hurt by something I said or did, as long as hurting wasn't my intention, why should I apologize? And then it happened...you know, IT. Or more to the point, HIM. Sure when it came to my kids, if I made a mistake I was quick to tell them how sorry I was, they're my kids. But HIM was a different story. To actually love someone so much that I felt bad when he did....unthinkable. Corny, I know, but a true story none the less. If there is anyone that deserves and has certainly earned the right to hear the words "I'm sorry" from me, it is certainly HIM. In the years that have been our life together so far, I have fucked up, and fucked up big. I am an extremist, what can I say. It's go big or go home. But seriously, that saying, you only hurt the ones you love... couldn't be more true.Why is that? In my well meaning, sharing me feelings, being the new and improved me, I have fucked up royally along the way. Not to make this a total Martyrdom blog, he's done his fair share of fucking up as well, but he manages to make his amends in his own special way. Me, sometimes yes and sometimes no. I am stubborn (shocking, but true). I have a hard time seeing things in any other colors than black and white. Or a more accurate description would be MY way or the wrong way. It's a character flaw, but what are you going to do? No body's perfect. So this is my way of making amends. A public apology if you will. HE doesn't really care for PDA's. HE's more of a private, actions speak louder than words kind of HIM. Probably one of the things I love most about him and something that drives me crazy (not in the good way) about him as well. Now that I have finally found someone worth loving, I like to share it with everyone. HIM, not so much... Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.... Anyhow, I am sure this list could be much longer but it's a start. HE probably won't even read it, but at least I know it's here. So bare with me and endure some mushy love stuff for five minutes and Thank you for letting me share! 

I am sorry for not understanding that everyone has things that are just for them. It's a foreign concept to me, but I am learning. 

I am sorry for complaining about not having any pictures of us together. It's a sore point still, but I am working on it.

I am sorry for not always putting in my full effort when it comes to things (and people) that are important to you. Work in progress...

I am sorry for not always forgetting the past and then reminding you about it, repeatedly. :0( 

I am sorry for not always being the one person that should be there for you and instead letting my feelings over petty things get in the way. 

I am sorry that I cannot stand some of things that you like. (i.e., Lakers, etc.)

I am sorry for not understanding fully the concept that men are completely different in some aspects than women. I don't know if I am ever going to necessarily get over this one, but I am sorry that I'm not....

I am sorry for not remembering that everyone has a past....including me. 

I am sorry that despite my best efforts, there are just things I am not EVER going to understand or be okay with with. But I promise to not over analyze them and pick on you for them. 

I am sorry that you are so stubborn.... ;0)

I am sorry that I don't like Halloween as much as you do. 

I am sorry that I sometimes ADD to the drama instead of helping to lessen it. (I admit it...)

I am sorry for sometimes letting work stress spill over onto you. 

But the thing I am most truly sorry for, the thing that I wish I never had to apologize for because it never happened....I am sorry for one second of pain I have ever caused you. One second of hurt or anger or doubt because of my words or actions. For that,  I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. 

I love you, HIM. <3