That F'n Fruit Company......

In the travels of my professional life (that makes me laugh) I have had the misfortune, er, I mean fortune of working with that fruit company. For legal reasons, they shall remain anonymous, but you all know of whom I speak. At first, like most people would have been, I was excited at the opportunity to work with these innovators, these trailblazers in their respective field, and let's be honest, I thought I would end up getting a hook up as well. But alas, no hook up, no inciting of my creative juices only an inside look into what I have to call the largest, most profitable cult in the history of the world. If these people could turn themselves into said fruit, they would. They eat, live, sleep and breathe their company. I am all for being passionate about what you do, but there are limits. Yes, it's cool that they can pretty much come to work in their pajamas (seriously, I saw two people in "lounger" pants, one in yoga pants and unfortunately one chick who had no business wearing the Daisy Dukes she was sporting) and sure it's cool that they get to work with cutting edge technology, and sure their AWESOME (subsidized) cafeteria puts Hollywood catering to shame but at what cost I ask? Where are their boundaries? It's your job, not a way of life people! There are other companies, other hobbies, other people on the planet. To say these people have an elitist attitude is putting it mildly. They truly believe that they are making the world a better place. Hmmm....they don't develop cutting edge medical technology, they aren't developing a cure for cancer (just ask their dearly departed former cult leader), and they aren't inventing a car that doesn't use gas that costs a million dollars a gallon (can you believe that shit?). What they are doing, is creating a lazier, more reliant on technology, two steps away from the Matrix kind of society. It's not that I don't appreciate the products they produce. My significant other (THAT is another blog) practically has the fruit company's store front right there in our living room. It's just that having to deal with them on a professional level (ha, ha...I can't help myself) is so ridiculous that I can't even describe my misery when I am forced to do so.Let me provide some examples.....I myself, have to carry a Blueberry for work. As you know, the Blueberry is NOT an accepted fruit of the fruit company, they despise Blueberries. I was forced to conceal my Blueberry while in the other fruit company's building. Really? Isn't competition what makes America so great? For those of you who don't know what I do, don't worry, I'm not going to tell you now. But, I will tell you that the general focus of most of my clients is saving money. Saving money on how much they pay out to their employees. The fruit company's focus? Are our employees happy? While in theory, that is a noble concept these people are fanatical about it. The little guy getting consideration from the "man" is all well and good but these people take it to the extreme. They want to ensure that their employees get a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon kind of feel when they get treated for their work related injury. Um....not so much. Most employers are happy to know that the doctors in the clinic where their employees are getting treated all have valid medical licenses.
Maybe the problem is that I wish MY company was more like that. Maybe I wish that my colleagues were prompted to strive for perfection in everything that they did and demand the same of every vendor partner we have. I don't really think that's it, I think that it's just that they are a pain in the ass that focuses on whether or not we put a comma in the right place in the letters that go to their employees. I shit you not.
In my most recent visit to the main "campus", which by the way is set up EXACTLY like a college campus would be, the spot where they memorialized (literally the memorial was there which really kind of grossed me out that there was a dead body in the place where I was getting ready to purchase my lunch) their departed cult leader was pointed out to me. It was a grassy place where people can "stop by and reflect on what a great man he was" (I didn't make that up, that is EXACTLY what they said to me). I think the only man I would stop by and reflect on is Derek Jeter and it sure as fuck better be while he's still alive. Just saying. 
While I get that being the best has its perks and advantages, I also think that (and don't criticize here) that with great power comes great responsibility (thank you Uncle Ben). I think the fruit company has forgotten that while their commitment to excellence to their customer base is great, their vendor partners and people that have to DEAL with them also comprise that customer base. There really is no such way as "the fruit company's way", it's just a mantra to get college graduates excited about a job that you've convinced them will change the planet. I could go on and tell you stories about how their interview process is 10 steps long and that they don't really have job descriptions (because that's too limiting), or that there was a team within the company that spent 34 weeks (I swear to you I am not fucking around) on a TAB to remove a plastic cover to ensure that it met the cult leader's approval, but that would take up too much time. Just remember that the next time you fruit company fanatics purchase more and more products to make them a global powerhouse worth more than the USA's GNP, don't say that I didn't warn you. And whatever you do, don't injure one of their damn employees, the ramifications of this make my life HELL!