I'm a fan.....sort of

Around this time of year, I am amazed at how high "fan" loyalty is. I say around this time of the year because with the exception of the NFL and MLB, all other major professional sports are in their playoff phase. It always seem like there are more car flags, house flags and hats that come out this time of year. Read on to find out what a real FAN is. I felt it was my civic duty to educate the "general" (non fanatical sports people) population about the levels of dedication that exist in the sports world.
For those of you who don't know, the word Fan, comes from the word Fanatic. As in lunatic, die hard, acting stupid for stupid reasons kind of lunatic. Wait, that makes it sound bad. You have to admire the people that are willing to brave extreme weather, extreme criticism and alas, extreme stupidity all in the name of fanaticism. A definite shout out to all who over utilize the grease paint every home game, to those who brave rivals stadiums under the threat of physical harm and lastly those overweight, genetically cursed, hairy bastards that go shirtless at every venue.  I could tell you "fan" stories about a Green Bay woman that at 86 years old let her grown daughter drive herself to the hospital for stitches because the Packers were on TV. Or the baseball fan that was tired of listening to their neighbor cheer for his team, so he decided to run him over with his car....twice. I limit this topic to the USA because if I started going into the world climate, it just wouldn't be as funny when I tell you that a soccer player in Colombia was killed for costing his team a game in the world cup.....true story. Amazingly....grown men cry, women ignore their children, and countless babies are named Brett.....unbelievable you say? Believable I say. This my good people, is a fan. I must admit, I have been known to scream at the TV, curse strangers out, and make my children hold their pee until the inning was over. However, Fan, I am not. Enthusiast, that's the word for me! Enthusiast is like a Fan on Paxil.
I want to make some distinctions. First there are obnoxious fans, there are die hard fans, and finally there are fair weather fans. Now, here are some examples of each. Generally people from Boston are obnoxious fans. They are obnoxious because they are bitter people. Historically, with very few exceptions, their sports teams have performed below average. They take this out on teams that they know have a rich history of being winners. Then there are die hard fans. Generally fans from Chicago are die hard fans. They have long suffered with sports teams that again, traditionally haven't performed well. Well, they have spurts of good times and then really long droughts. But, through good times and bad they stand by their teams. Right about now you're thinking, that sounds a lot like the obnoxious fan. Well, you are only half right. The die hard fan concedes loss with class and dignity. Well at least as much dignity as you can muster while drinking a beer and having a Braut. Whereas obnoxious fans (again, generally from Boston) have every blame and excuse ready to reason why their team sustained the loss, never giving credit for good play. Then we have your average fair weather fan. I'm going to give you the example of the average Los Angeles fan. The fair weather fan goes through the entire season not knowing who plays for their team or whether the team is winning or losing and when they happen to stumble into the playoffs, they decide that they should proudly adorn their over priced (mostly leased) cars with their "favorite" team's flags. Now, these are the same people that are constantly on their cell phones during the game, leave the game early and consistently announce how much money they dropped on their great seats. These people haven't even figured out that it's been over 10 years since LA has had a professional football team. Now that you have the personalities categorized, you may be able to clearly identify family members, co-workers and that obnoxious guy at the bar. I am not saying that ALL obnoxious fans are from Boston, or that ALL die hard fans are from Chicago, or that ALL fair weather fans, who are we kidding, ALL fair weather fans are from LA.
Remember, I identify myself as an enthusiast. Rarely do I identify myself as a "fan". But at one time or another I have vacillated between obnoxious fan and die hard fan if I had to concede. I have been in every major city you can imagine and have not wavered in my dedication. Which of course classifies me as obnoxious, but only because I have had to defend my honor. But, at least there were reasons and I have had my principles. I have been the die hard fan and suffered through a 2-14 football season with the Dolphins. For those of you not familiar, the number of wins comes FIRST. But I can proudly proclaim that never has there come a time when I have been classified as a fair weather fan. I will pick a team or sometimes a player, and stand by my man. Good, bad, criminal charges pending, and all.
 I would love to say that only American people are so fanatical about their sports teams but alas, people in England have been killed over football matches. Er, sorry, soccer matches. And the aforementioned poor Colombian man. I guess as human beings the competitive instinct just naturally takes over. It's the people that just get under your skin and annoy the heck out of you, all under the guise of being a "fan" that really give Fans a bad name.
So, hopefully I have provided a valuable service to general public by providing this information.
If I have struck a nerve with anyone it's probably because you are from Boston or Los Angeles. I joke. But seriously, dedication is a wonderful thing. Fanaticism can be fatal or at least carry a sentence of 5-10 depending on if you opt to back the car up.....