Random Observations about life's little mysteries.....

On occasion I have posted "random thoughts" on my FB page, (the one that is ruining my life) and realized that really, the limited amount of space those stingy bastards give you to post your "status" isn't sufficient.  There are mind blowing observations to make and burning questions that people want answers to. Alas, I don't have the answers, but the questions are pretty fucking good. Truly, this particular rant, I mean blog, could go on for years listing all of the mysteries of the life but since I have a limited amount of time and space, these at the forefront of my mind will have to do. Buckle up and be ready to be bewildered.

Why do people push the elevator button after it's already lit? Do they think that the elevator has a tally and the more pushes the faster it comes? Why do people turn down the radio when they are looking for an address? Does the auditory part of your brain take over the directional part and listening and thinking are just way too much of an overload? WTF? Why is that when people say the "N" word it's so much more offensive then let's say when a person says honkey or cracker or any other racial slur. When did the "N" word become the tantamount of all racial slurs and who decided this? Was there a voting at the rainbow coalition meeting? If there was, I don't think my color of the rainbow had a any kind of representation. Why do some people refer to themselves as such and such/American? Shouldn't the American come first? I mean if you're a citizen and you're reaping the benefits of being a citizen, shouldn't that come before wherever your ancestors are from? Why is it that people have bumper stickers asking people to save children in far away lands, when we have plenty of them being abused and neglected right here in the USA? Why is it that when an animal is tortured or killed in a movie people are horrified, but when a person is mutilated, nobody flinches? Sometimes, they even cheer? Why is it called "reality" tv if it isn't really real 100% of the time. Should it be called kind of reality, but not really tv? And when did people who are willing to disgrace and embarrass themselves on TV for either money or fame or sometimes both become "celebrities"? Why is the Toys R Us "R" backwards? Are they marketing to the dyslexic kids? And if they are, shouldn't they be carrying Nek and Eibarb? Where are those toys? Why is that people at work always want to have a potluck? Don't they have enough food at home? Do they really want to share their culinary skills with their co-workers? And, why is there always that one person that takes a plate home? Again, do you not have enough food at home so you need to take some of everyone else's store bought chicken? Why do people go out to dinner to eat the same food they cook at home? For example if you're Italian, why go out for Italian food? Are you comparison shopping? Why do people that prefer to live in trailers also happen to pick places where tornadoes hit? Haven't they read that book? Don't they know how the story ends? Why do airlines still leave out row 13 from planes? Do we really want to trust our fate during a flight to people who are THAT superstitious? Are they cancelling all flights on 12/21/12 also? Why is it when something goes bad we ask someone else to smell it? Do we need affirmation that we have just smelled the grossest thing ever? Why do we have the most state of the art technology to find our missing electronics, but kids still get kidnapped? Shouldn't we be implanting chips into those little fuckers from birth? If we are late to something and haven't even left the house yet why do we lie and people and say we are on our way? Who are we fooling? Don't we realize people are going to notice it took us THAT much longer to get there?
As previously indicated, this could go on and on.....but reality beckons, so that is it for this edition of Random Observations. Stay tuned for part 2.......I am sure you are breathless! 

I'm a fan.....sort of

Around this time of year, I am amazed at how high "fan" loyalty is. I say around this time of the year because with the exception of the NFL and MLB, all other major professional sports are in their playoff phase. It always seem like there are more car flags, house flags and hats that come out this time of year. Read on to find out what a real FAN is. I felt it was my civic duty to educate the "general" (non fanatical sports people) population about the levels of dedication that exist in the sports world.
For those of you who don't know, the word Fan, comes from the word Fanatic. As in lunatic, die hard, acting stupid for stupid reasons kind of lunatic. Wait, that makes it sound bad. You have to admire the people that are willing to brave extreme weather, extreme criticism and alas, extreme stupidity all in the name of fanaticism. A definite shout out to all who over utilize the grease paint every home game, to those who brave rivals stadiums under the threat of physical harm and lastly those overweight, genetically cursed, hairy bastards that go shirtless at every venue.  I could tell you "fan" stories about a Green Bay woman that at 86 years old let her grown daughter drive herself to the hospital for stitches because the Packers were on TV. Or the baseball fan that was tired of listening to their neighbor cheer for his team, so he decided to run him over with his car....twice. I limit this topic to the USA because if I started going into the world climate, it just wouldn't be as funny when I tell you that a soccer player in Colombia was killed for costing his team a game in the world cup.....true story. Amazingly....grown men cry, women ignore their children, and countless babies are named Brett.....unbelievable you say? Believable I say. This my good people, is a fan. I must admit, I have been known to scream at the TV, curse strangers out, and make my children hold their pee until the inning was over. However, Fan, I am not. Enthusiast, that's the word for me! Enthusiast is like a Fan on Paxil.
I want to make some distinctions. First there are obnoxious fans, there are die hard fans, and finally there are fair weather fans. Now, here are some examples of each. Generally people from Boston are obnoxious fans. They are obnoxious because they are bitter people. Historically, with very few exceptions, their sports teams have performed below average. They take this out on teams that they know have a rich history of being winners. Then there are die hard fans. Generally fans from Chicago are die hard fans. They have long suffered with sports teams that again, traditionally haven't performed well. Well, they have spurts of good times and then really long droughts. But, through good times and bad they stand by their teams. Right about now you're thinking, that sounds a lot like the obnoxious fan. Well, you are only half right. The die hard fan concedes loss with class and dignity. Well at least as much dignity as you can muster while drinking a beer and having a Braut. Whereas obnoxious fans (again, generally from Boston) have every blame and excuse ready to reason why their team sustained the loss, never giving credit for good play. Then we have your average fair weather fan. I'm going to give you the example of the average Los Angeles fan. The fair weather fan goes through the entire season not knowing who plays for their team or whether the team is winning or losing and when they happen to stumble into the playoffs, they decide that they should proudly adorn their over priced (mostly leased) cars with their "favorite" team's flags. Now, these are the same people that are constantly on their cell phones during the game, leave the game early and consistently announce how much money they dropped on their great seats. These people haven't even figured out that it's been over 10 years since LA has had a professional football team. Now that you have the personalities categorized, you may be able to clearly identify family members, co-workers and that obnoxious guy at the bar. I am not saying that ALL obnoxious fans are from Boston, or that ALL die hard fans are from Chicago, or that ALL fair weather fans, who are we kidding, ALL fair weather fans are from LA.
Remember, I identify myself as an enthusiast. Rarely do I identify myself as a "fan". But at one time or another I have vacillated between obnoxious fan and die hard fan if I had to concede. I have been in every major city you can imagine and have not wavered in my dedication. Which of course classifies me as obnoxious, but only because I have had to defend my honor. But, at least there were reasons and I have had my principles. I have been the die hard fan and suffered through a 2-14 football season with the Dolphins. For those of you not familiar, the number of wins comes FIRST. But I can proudly proclaim that never has there come a time when I have been classified as a fair weather fan. I will pick a team or sometimes a player, and stand by my man. Good, bad, criminal charges pending, and all.
 I would love to say that only American people are so fanatical about their sports teams but alas, people in England have been killed over football matches. Er, sorry, soccer matches. And the aforementioned poor Colombian man. I guess as human beings the competitive instinct just naturally takes over. It's the people that just get under your skin and annoy the heck out of you, all under the guise of being a "fan" that really give Fans a bad name.
So, hopefully I have provided a valuable service to general public by providing this information.
If I have struck a nerve with anyone it's probably because you are from Boston or Los Angeles. I joke. But seriously, dedication is a wonderful thing. Fanaticism can be fatal or at least carry a sentence of 5-10 depending on if you opt to back the car up.....

Facebook is ruining my life (and yours)!!!

Let me just say that Facebook is the downfall of civilization. Not just western civilization, fuck no, ALL civilization. Yeah, yeah, it's nice to be able to keep in touch with far away friends, see pictures of their family, etc....but aside from that, evil, pure evil. This social networking engine from hell turns grown people into insecure, gossiping, mean spirited high school students. Seriously. You don't believe this you say? You have only had positive experiences with Facebook? I say, you are lying! Don't lie to yourselves. You know you have all Facebook "stalked" at least one person in your Facebook career. (And no I haven't forgotten about those of you who have asked ME to help you do it) Sure, you have rationalized it in your head and have made valid reasons as to WHY you had to look up the page of your ex, or his/her ex, or your boss or that long lost cousin that the family always thought was weird anyway....Admit it, it's true.

Or, (and I have no shame in my game as I am guilty of the following also) how many of you have complained, or let's say gently reminded your significant other that they still have pictures of their Ex on their page? And why exactly do you still have those pictures? And why aren't there more pictures of us or me? As a wise man once said to me "It ain't love until it's on Facebook.". I get it ladies (and some men) you want public validation that your significant other is truly YOURS and not anyone else's. Is that such a bad thing? Not necessarily..... But before Facebook, what were the options? Pictures in the wallet, on the phone, on the desk? Never has there been such a forum for this public display of love and affection such as Facebook.

Why is your relationship status so important? Does it matter that the 250 million friends you have electronically acknowledge your relationship? It's not like they don't see you together every weekend, right? WRONG...the answer is you bet your fucking ass it's important. Because we've made it important.We are to blame. We've made it easier to have our insecurities exploited. You can break up with someone simply by changing your relationship status. No phone call, no text, no conversation required! Thank you very much!

I won't even go into how Facebook has become the poster child for passive aggressive people world wide. Sure, I will tell you how I feel, behind the relative anonymity of Facebook. But don't ask me to stand up for what I believe in or tell the people exactly how I feel about them, read my status update, that will tell you all you need to know. And please make sure you "Like" it or I won't get the validation I need.

Believe me, I LOVE Facebook just as much as the next person. I love to see my friends and their kids that I wouldn't normally get to see. I enjoy hearing all about how your weekend went when I normally wouldn't get to. I feel the camaraderie when we are all cheering for (or against) the same sports teams. I am just saying that take it for what it is people, a SOCIAL networking site. Not your status in the world, not your relationship guide, and certainly NOT your dating site. (Please Facebook Gods, please terminate Zoosk before it goes too far....)

Please take care when you are posting where you are every minute of everyday. There are bad people in the world and they seem to all fucking congregate on Facebook. Probably because the national society of weirdos has their own page. (not even lying, look it up. you know you want to) Please remember a piece of wisdom that my dearly departed Grandfather imparted on me. "If it's worth saying once, it's worth saying again". This now means, if you post it, you better be able to say it to someones face.

Did you know that there are actually books on Facebook etiquette? WTF? Really? If you can't use common sense as to what you should and shouldn't be doing, stay the fuck off Facebook and don't friend request me!

Just take this humble piece of advice, observation of life with you......life is about living. Go out and smell the roses, run a marathon, fall in love, get in a fight, don't just read about it on Facebook. If you feel the need to post about it, so be it, but the point is to at least DO it.

Okay, I have to go now, about to upload some mobile photos to my cover photo and update my status while I check in from the lunch spot I am eating at!  Ciao!  ;0)

Ready or Not.....

First things first......Don't send me a bunch of comments or e-mails about how there are REAL crazy people in the world and that by calling myself a crazy woman, I am somehow offending someone or being politically incorrect. I don't care. Get over it. Live with it. Don't read any further. If you don't already know me, then too bad for you. Just kidding, I don't have a bunch of degrees from anywhere. I am not selling my advice, telling you how to live your life or judging. Well maybe judging a little. I just have a unique perspective on various things in this life and would like a forum to share them with everyone. And the answer to your question is "yes". I do think people want to hear my opinion and I do think highly of it. If you take yourself too seriously, you're not living life, you are walking on eggshells through it until the day you die. Have a sense of humor, I do! As long as the rules are clear: 1) there is no talking about fight club (oh wait, wrong club)...There are no rules! You have the right to say whatever you want, just like I have the right to delete any comments I don't like, because it's MY blog! Thanks for coming! 

P.S.-Did you like how I found a crazy woman picture with red hair? ;0)