Things that piss me the f%@# off.......

I know what you're thinking. If you have known me for more than 5 minutes, you're expecting the longest list you will ever read in your life...aaannndd...you're probably right. BUT...before you sign and groan and settle in for a long blog post...take note, just kidding, it's going to be a long fucking list!!!  :)  Everyone has those things that just irk the shit out of us and even though my significant other begs and pleads with me to "just let it go" I can't help it. It's like everyone else learned the right way to do things (and of course by right way, I mean my way) why can't this fucktard right here do the same? I have a whole post about how it's not really judging people and more of making observations of things you observe and if they happen to lead you to make a comment such as "look at that asshole right there", again I contend observation, not judgment. Without further ado ( and yes in an homage to the great David Letterman) my Top Ten things (actually I don't have time or space to write ten, but we can both forgive me) of things that piss me the fuck off. But remember, these are just the top for today.... they are ever changing my friends, ever changing.

It really fucking pisses me off to see stupid people in action. I know that sounds broad and general, but I am at a loss of any other way to describe it. I feel like the balance of power between smart and dumb somehow dramatically shifted in the last couple of decades and that people are either really that fucking stupid or that fucking lazy or a combo of both. Case in point, the Kim Trashdashian (I refuse to give her any real credit) new "coffee table" book came out and it was the #1 pre-order on Amazon. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Is someone starting a new book burning campaign and they wanted to start with the most irrelevant piece of shit ever, please tell me that's the reason. WTF could this attention whore have to possibly offer except for selfies (photoshopped I am sure) and pictures of her piece of shit husband? Ugh, if this is the role model for our teens, we are fucked royally. But a perfect example of stupidity in action....

It really fucking pisses me off that people are so blinded by the media that they don't pay attention to the things that really matter. This really goes hand in hand with the item above, but I mean when we live in a society that is devoting 100% media coverage to something as FUCKING STUPID as "deflategate" do you really have to wonder why the rest of the fucking world hates us? I mean during that week the important news actually was that 6 officers were indicted in the murder (that's right and if you don't like it FUCK YOU) of Freddie Gray. I am sure there were other tragedies and other more important issues as well, like Hillary announcing her candidacy, and while you may not like or support her, at least there's a role model who doesn't have a sex tape, take off her clothes or post selfies like a fucking attention whore that girls can look up to. All I am saying is that if the next generation continues to blindly follow whatever shit is shoveled down their throat, we are in for a sad future my friends.

It really fucking pisses me off that people are willing to donate money to a pizza place who refuses service to people based on their sexual orientation. If you know me you may have the impression that I am somewhat outspoken on the issue of sexuality. Whatever your beliefs, they are yours and I can respect them, to a certain degree. What pisses me the fuck off is that these same hypocrites stand behind the veil of the bible (written a billion fucking years ago) and religion (made up shit by another HUMAN PERSON) to justify their repugnant behavior. This is unacceptable. Stop and think you ignorant mother fuckers. If your child or your sister or anyone close to you comes out as gay are you automatically going to discount the years of love you've had because of how they choose to have sex? Because basically that's what it comes down to. Gay, lesbian, transgender, whatever, they don't love any differently than heterosexuals. It's all the same love. No freedom until we're equal, damn right I support it.

It really fucking pisses me off that Ginger Ale is not an option at most soda dispensers. It's like you only find that shit at liquor stores now a days. Explain this to me, who the fuck puts ginger ale in any kind of mother fucking alcoholic drink? Who, tell me now! This item may seem trivial in light of the other items I've listed above, but it's a serious issue for me. I like no caffeine if I'm going to drink a carbonated beverage and I also love Ginger Ale (as you can tell by my constant capitalization of the words). But seriously, when did Ginger Ale get such a bad rap that it can't even get in on the action but Fanta can? WTF? That shit is likely carbonated Kool-Aid. I'm thinking of starting a petition, so let me now if you're interested.

It really fucking pisses me off that there are so many god damn fucking Marvel movies. I mean seriously, I know it's called Marvel Universe, but how many of these mother fuckers can there really be? I mean, understand that my significant other is a Marvel fan like no other and I get dragged to every single movie. Some of them are entertaining, but come on, when Paul Rudd is being tapped for a superhero role (albeit it Antman) I mean we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel now. And no offense to Paul Rudd he's a funny guy and all, but come on... a super fucking hero? Get the fuck out of here. I mean how much money does that old fucker Stan Lee really need? I mean isn't he like 152 years old by now? And don't even get me started on the reboots, retakes, redos or whatever the fuck they call them. Not that DC is any better (I mean they fucking have Ben Affleck as Batman for Christ sake) but at least it doesn't seem like they are flooding the market. But considering Marvel is owned by the second most evil corporation on the planet (Disney) it kind of makes sense I guess. Next reboot.....Tom Brady and his wife starring in Captain Deflateable Balls and the woman who loves him anyway! 

It really fucking pisses me off that they continue those fucking the most interesting man in the world commercials. That mother fucking dude hasn't been interesting in like two years. At first, they were really good, but now. FUUCCKKK, I heard one the other day about the most interesting man in the world and a piñata. A fucking piñata? Are you kidding me? I mean kudos Dos Equis for coming up with this generation's version of Spuds McKenzie (if you don't know who that is, go fuck yourself) or the Wassup guys, but now, it's time to retire that shit. I mean the dude in the commercial is at his retirement age now anyways. Let him just move on to Viagra commercials or AARP shit. It's time. I don't always hate beer commercials, but when I do, it's because they ARE FUCKING STUPID NOW!!!

Hope you enjoyed the list, if not, fuck you. :)

This is what ails me.....

So, my mantra for this new year (I know it's already March, but think of it this way, anything you own that's only 3 months old is technically still new) was to complain less, love more and just relax, you know, don't sweat the small stuff. I have tried and tried and believe me, it's gone okay so far. BUT, then I get on this thing we call the internet and go on social media and it all goes to shit. I mean, I have not encountered so many passive aggressive, lazy, narcissistic, mother fuckers in my entire life. From posting selfies to picking up the new cause celebre, these fucking people just make me sick, or they are in fact what ails me. While I strive to set a good example for my demon spawn and my bonus child (google that shit, it exists) I'm not perfect. I drop the F bomb occasionally, I pass judgement every once in a while, but at the end of the day, I'd like to think that these little shits have learned some good from me as well. That's why, I know you think these people are "heroes", "do-gooders", humanitarians, or any other misnomer for an attention whore who happens do purport to do good deeds. Here's the problem with that, if in fact you are truly giving to give, there is no thanks required. If you are truly promoting a cause, you shine the light on the cause, not on yourself. If you see an injustice and seek to right it, you crusade, you don't FB post. I am sick and tired of seeing pictures of children from war torn nations going "viral" and having 11 million comments and none of them SAY A FUCKING THING. Yes, it's human nature to feel sorry for them, you'd be a fucking douche bag if you didn't but what are any of those people actually DOING for that kid? Post the picture, write your socially aware comment and move on to the next. What the fuck just happened there? People point to the millennials as the generation of do nothings, where do you think they learned that behavior? I am tired of watching people "share" photos or articles in the effort to make themselves seem somewhat socially aware and by virtue of a couple of keystrokes, social activists. Sitting behind a fucking computer screen typing, does not a social activist make. Unless you are typing letters to Congress to get shit changed. Unless you are typing emails to your local volunteer organization to ask when they need help next, unless you are fucking typing in the password to your bank account or credit card to donate to a cause you are a not social activist you are a fucking lemming hypocrite. All of those people that took that fucking ice bucket challenge, how many of them actually donated? All of those fucking celebrity hashtags that everyone follows, how many kids did they stop from getting bullied or being alone? I admit, there are some campaigns where social media has most definitely assisted in getting a cause off the ground where in pre-social media days, that might not have been the case. But in the end the reason for that is because someone took ACTION. Not just a picture, ACTION. As I stated in the beginning, I am not perfect. I could volunteer more, be more of a social activist in my own right but at least if I am outraged by something I take ACTION. You may not see the angry letter or see the money coming out of the bank account but trust me it happens. And right about now you mother fuckers are calling me out in your head saying, hey fucker, what if the people that share the photo or write the comments are doing the same thing but just not advertising it, and you're absolutely right, they might be. But considering the sad state of affairs that most shit is still in, I doubt it. So if you are in fact a true social activist (and your cause most definitely doesn't need to be posted anywhere on social media to qualify) then I applaud you and if you need support, give this chick a holla! But if this post just stop and made you think, well then good fucking for you, because you should be thinking. You should be thinking that your little world may be affected one day and wouldn't it be nice if instead of just sharing your woes on social media people actually got off their ass and helped? 

Here are some organizations that actually do need some activism in their lives:

http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/

https://www.habitat.org/

https://www.amnesty.org/en/

http://support.angelfood.org/

http://nothingbutnets.net/

I need to lose the baby weight......

So what if my baby is 18 YEARS OLD. And what? The weight that I've gained over the past 18 years is most definitely related to that baby, believe me. I love it when I hear women say that. They need to lose the baby weight. Do you think they really believe that? I mean how many people were actually in shape, at their ideal weight when they got pregnant? I mean for some of you, that may actually be the reason you got pregnant in the first place, but doubtful. Anyhow, why is there so much pressure on women to attain this ideal weight? WTF is the ideal weight anyway? I mean doesn't it depend on your body type, your height, and various other factors? So who the fuck is any of these fashion or so-called fitness magazines to tell me how much I should weigh? Fuck them. Sometimes I feel like being a little heavier and sometimes my vanity gets the best of me and I work out like a mad woman. It's none of anyone's fucking business except mine and my clothes that have to hold on for dear life when I'm in a mood and won't buy a bigger size. That's right, fuck you, I don't like to buy bigger sized clothes. Look, I am no Gloria Steinam or anything, but fuck why are women so harsh and critical of other women, especially when it comes to weight? How many people look at the baby daddy and say, "dude, you've put on some baby weight?" No, they proudly display a beer gut. Like beer is more important than carrying their child. Fuck that. Here's an observation that I've made. Male comedians become a lot LESS funny after they've had kids. How about that? How come nobody is writing articles about that or trying to come with a "plan" to make them funnier? Chris Rock, Jay Mohr, Adam Sandler and a few others. Fuck them, until they lose the "unfunny baby shit" I'm not watching any of their shit. I can't even stand that Kardashian whore, but fuck, people were all over her shit about being fat like two weeks after she had that baby. Fuck you. You have a baby and get back into your same clothes. And those stupid women on Instagram who are posting pics of their "post baby" body that looks the same as before, fuck them too. Take care of your fucking baby and stop being so god damn vain. I mean don't get me wrong, obesity is an epidemic in this country, that is true, however after having a child, no matter how old your child is, your life changes. Your diet changes, your lifestyle changes and sure as fuck your body changes. Big fucking deal. You think your Mom wanted to have her boobs sag down to her knee caps by the time she was 50 just to feed and nourish you for the first part of your life? FUUCCKK NO she didn't. But she did. And fuck you for telling her to lose the baby weight. Are you happy? Are you wearing the clothes you want to? Are you healthy? Then fuck those mother fuckers who think you need to lose the baby weight. Women were not meant to look like 12 year old little boys and if your man thinks so, there's this hot new trend he should try, it's called HOMOSEXUALITY. Call up Bruce Jenner and he'll explain that shit to you. (Yeah, I said it, so what?) Look, at the end of the day, you need to be happy with you and you need to make sure you live a long time to take care of that little bank account draining, snot dripping, poop machine of a baby you gained all of that weight for to begin with. Wear your stretch marks or C-section scars like badges of honor bitches!!! So the next time you see a postpartum woman (that means someone who just had a baby, by the way) tell her how amazing her hair looks, how she is absolutely glowing or how great of a job she's doing with her baby. But keep your fucking mouth shut about her "baby weight" unless you want a foot shoved up your ass! Support your fellow females Moms and non-Moms!!! (Unless she is a bitch, then.....J/K...maybe) And if you had a baby in the last 40 years, don't worry about it you don't need lose the baby weight, the baby will keep coming back and asking to take more and more of your ass anyway!

Merry Fucking Christmas-2014

Well, we're here, again. Every fucking year it comes back. Can't get out of it. Christmas is around the corner. Last year I told you all not to buy your kids expensive shit they don't need and to cop to the truth about Santa. I bet you didn't. Chicken shits! This Christmas I am not going to try and convince you what the right thing to do is, because you will just do whatever the fuck you want anyways. Fuckers. What I will do is tell you what I want for Christmas this year. Yeah, that's right, I got shit that I want and plenty of it. And it may not all be delivered by a fat white dude who plays with elves (let that picture get burned into your mind... not so jolly, huh?). So without further delay, as I can see your breathless anticipation is building......

I want world peace. I know that sounds corny and cliche, but trust me, this shit worries me. Any crazy fucker with a couple of ounces of uranium and a vendetta can seriously fuck shit up. Especially around this all important time of year people get crazy. Well, crazy people get crazier. In the immortal words of Rodney King..."Can't we all just get along?"

I want people to stop acting like assholes. I know this is a really really big wish, but in light of recent events, I can't help thinking we are on the path to doomdom. Yes, doomdom live with it. But seriously, police fucking with people (and by fucking with I mean killing) and people fucking with police (but not killing them) it worries me what the future holds for the next generation. No matter what your beliefs are with respect to the law, gun control etc. I truly believe that it can be resolved if people stopped acting like asshole for 5 fucking minutes and started acting like humans again, seriously. 

I want the entertainment world to drastically change. I want actors, singers, producers and everyone else associated with the "entertainment" industry to not make millions of dollars for doing nothing. Stop and think about this for a minute. You are willing to succumb to the EVER CLIMBING prices of going to a movie, but if your kids teacher sent around a petition asking for money for school supplies, your dumb ass would be up in arms complaining about the fact that public education is supposed to be free. It's not fucktard, you are supposed to HELP. You are willing to contribute to the lavish and ridiculous lifestyles of people whose only talent is being really good storytellers, manipulators and liars. That is what it boils down to. You idolize people who live a fantasy life everyday and are in no way in touch with reality. Are they curing any diseases? Are they making anyone's life better? (And no fucking entertaining someone doesn't make their life better. It allows them to escape their shitty life for a few hours) 90% of these people don't have any formal education or marketable skills and are a waste of space. Yet, millions of people flock every weekend to throw their money at them. Wake the fuck up and realize that celebrities don't love you back. 

I want someone to find a cure for stupid. Seriously. I mean that pretty much says it all, but if you need further explanation, maybe you can volunteer to be one of the first test subjects.... ;)

I want professional athletes to make the same amount of money that teachers do. Whether that means that athletes take a HUGE pay cut or that teachers get a HUGE raise, I'm fine with it. I think teachers should have to compete for their jobs just like athletes and be subject to public scrutiny just like athletes. I think that athletes should have to re-certify their abilities to remain professional athletes every year which includes "off the field" behavior and ethics, just like teachers. Can you fucking imagine how many assholes would lose their jobs on both sides? LOL. Classic. 

I want people to mind their own fucking business. It's none of your fucking business what other people think about you. It's none of your fucking business who fucks who and how they do it. It's none of your fucking business how anyone lives their life unless they are directly, physically hurting yours. It's none of your fucking business if people want to marry each other or they don't. It's none of your fucking business if I want to worship the devil or whatever the fuck false idol I want to, it's none of your fucking business. You know what is your business? YOUR OWN FUCKING LIFE!! Take care of your shit and I will take care of mine. Go the fuck to work, to church,
to school or wherever it is you want to go. I won't bother if you don't bother me.

Ooh...you know what else would be really beneficial to all of mankind? If our government just finally came out and admitted that they were all of bunch of money grubbing, lying douchebags who are only in politics for the money and power. If they finally admitted that they don't give a flying fuck about the general public and that there really is no bi-partisan system, it's just one big party of ASSHOLES. If they finally admitted that big business runs this country not the person sitting in the white house or the fucktards who pretend to be in Congress or the Senate. That would at least let people know where they stand and maybe, just maybe, people would stop voting like it's a fucking high school popularity contest and voting in people who actually knew what the fuck they were doing.

So, if right about now you're feeling like "gee, I don't think I can get here any of those things on her list"...don't worry! I will post my "I'm a materialistic d'bag like the rest of us" Christmas list on my FB page!!! Just kidding...maybe.

Have a very Merry Fucking Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Ramadan and Happy Holidays!!!

Thank you Derek Jeter...

I know you've all been wondering, where is the blog post for Derek Jeter? My personal all time favorite baseball player from the greatest team ever invented. (This is where all Bosox fans can just stop reading... I joke I joke). Has there ever been a more dignified, classier player than Derek Jeter? Sure, you can make the argument that there have been some before him (Roger Maris, Roberto Clemente, Cal Ripken Jr., Yogi Berra) but something that Harold Reynolds said (I know, I was shocked something intelligible came out of his mouth as well) on ESPN the other day that really struck a chord. Derek was able to remain classy and basically scandal free in TODAY'S day and age. I mean think about it. In an age where selfies are the requirement, phones can take and upload videos in 2 seconds flat and where for as vast as the world wide web is, we all seem to be way up in each other's business, this man has remained with a reputation that is untarnished. So, in my own personal way, I am sharing with you my Thank You letter to Derek Jeter. (I haven't emailed it out yet...so tell me what you think...lol)

Dear Mr. Jeter, (I mean we're not friends...yet. I'd like to keep it professional until then)

Thank you for being the class act person that you are. While I don't profess to know you personally, I can appreciate the public persona that is Derek Jeter. I appreciate that the fact that in a world where scandal and disappointment seem to be the norm, you have been able to hold your head up high and continue going to your job everyday and realize that it's just that, a job. Sure, it's a hell of a job to have and certainly a coveted job, but a job none the less. Integrity, commitment, achievement and philanthropy are the values I see when I watch you do your job. Certainly family values appear to be a top priority for you as well as evidenced by the support of your parents at every step of your journey. The fact that you value family above all else is a nod to your upbringing. I can't imagine the pride your parents must have felt every time they watched you step onto the field and conduct yourself like a true professional. I am sure they swell with even more pride at all of your even more important accomplishments (Turn 2 Foundation, etc.). Thank you for keeping your mouth shut. I truly mean that. I appreciate that you realize that you are not a psychologist, a doctor or even a politician and that you're just a guy doing a job.(Again, doing a HELL of a job) Thank you for using your celebrity for meaningful projects and not using it to push your social, political or even professional agendas. Thank you for reminding everyone that hard work still matters and taking pride in your work is still valued. Thank you for being one of the best shortstops that the NY Yankees have ever had. Thank you for taking your role as Captain seriously and treating it as more than just a random title thrown at you by the boss (may he rest in peace). Thank you for showing men that you can date all the women you choose to (and well, let's be candid here, you've dated a lot) and still be a gentleman about it. Thank you for sacrificing your body for a game that many New Yorkers value so dearly and bringing a smile to their faces even if it's only a game.Thank you for respecting those that came before you, respecting those you played with and against and paving the way for those who will come after you. Thank you for never, ever, ever, making race an issue.Thank you for giving me many great days and nights at the old and new Yankees stadiums that I've shared with friends and family alike. Thank you for flipping that ball to Jorge Posada and getting Jason Giambi out at home.And most importantly Mr. Jeter,  a sincere, heartfelt Thank you for kicking the shit out of Boston through the years, I mean really, I can't thank you enough for that one. 
I will miss you, New York City will miss you and baseball fans all over the world will miss you. 

Yours truly and your future BFF, 
Jennifer 
P.S.-I even wore the #2 when I played softball a few years back....it didn't make me any better, but it sure looked good. ;0) 

Go the Fuck "home"....

Ahh..it's that time of the year again. What's that, summer you say? Nope. It's World Cup time. If you don't know what the World Cup is it's like the Superbowl of soccer (football to the rest of the world except for us arrogant Americans). This trophy is more coveted than the Stanley Cup, World Series title and any lame golf title you can think of COMBINED. Fanaticism is a must. All out loyalty to your team a must. And here's where it get interesting for me. And by interesting, I mean FUCKING IRRITATING. I have two favorite World Cup teams USA and Italy. You'll notice I said USA first and Italy second. That's because I am an American. I was born in America, have always lived in America, however, much like 75-80% of Americans, I am first/second generation American. Italian on my mother's side, Swedish on my father's. If Sweden were in the World Cup they would be my third favorite team. Really, it's not that I prefer my mother to my father, it's mostly because I feel closer to Italian culture than I do Swedish, it's the way I was raised. However, again, you'll note, favorite team...USA. If the USA were to play a match (that's a game for the Americans) against one of those two other favorite teams, I would be rooting for the USA. You know why? Because I am a FUCKING AMERICAN. I live here, I pay taxes here, I enjoy the freedom (thanks to my military friends..shout out) of being an American. Is it the greatest country in the world... FUCK NO. It has its problems and at times I want to pack up and move to Europe, but it's home. It's where I raised my kids and probably will die here. Currently I reside in Southern California, the Los Angeles area to be specific and well, let me just say that there are people who reside here who don't share my views. There are people who were born here (not even first or second generation but come from families who HAVE NEVER BEEN to their so called "home country") who would celebrate nay thoroughly bathe themselves in the glory of a USA defeat. Are you fucking kidding me? Because I am an equal opportunity discriminator, the "home country" of which I am referring to in this particular instance shall remain nameless, however I believe you get my point. I do not understand this act of treason. Okay, maybe a bit dramatic, but come on. Even if you are someone who became a US citizen, you are obviously here for the perks. I mean let's face it, nobody ever seeks asylum in let's say Rwanda. (I mean if you're coming from a  place worse than Rwanda, I am very sorry for you) You come here to take advantage of the home of the free and the land of the brave. But really mostly you come here for the OPPORTUNITY this country affords you. Say what you will about the USA, but it's still the only place I know where you can be sleeping on the street one day and living in a mansion in Silicon Valley the next and you don't even have to be related to anyone or be smart. Come on, name another place like that. A place where you can call the president a racially derogatory term and not be thrown in prison for the rest of your life or worse, executed. Do these traitors understand that their so called "home country" doesn't give a FLYING FUCK about them? Are you fucking kidding me? Go on vacation to one of these awesome countries that you love so much and let me know how it goes when you start demanding equal rights or that your DEMAND THAT THEY SPEAK ENGLISH. What the holy fuck shit are you talking about? Again, the only country I know where in certain cities (Los Angeles) you can take the DMV test (that's where you get the driving stuff done) in 18 different languages. I did not randomly pick that number, that is the actual number. However, last I checked, all street signs, written in English. Go complain about that to your special country's government and see if they don't give you the international you're number one sign!! Come on. Your reap the benefits of a capitalist system, if you desire, a welfare state and a pseudo-democratic lifestyle and you're going to "viva..." whomever against the USA? You know what I say to that? FU..I mean for shame! And then I say FUCK YOU. Do not misunderstand this as a stand against immigration. I could give a shit less who we let into this country as long as they don't harm it (or me)
and are willing to work to be here. Nobody should get a freebie in any country and we are the only ones in the world that hand it out like candy, again, while most of these immigrants come here in the first place. All I'm saying is that if you want to live here then live here, participate and be patriotic. You take the 4th of July off as a paid holiday, right? Okay then.. you should be flying red, white and blue flags before all others. If the USA isn't playing against your team, have at it my fellow footballers, but when the time comes I better here the loudest U-S-A coming from the crowd and nothing else. And if you don't like my opinion and you think this country sucks......then GO THE FUCK HOME!!  

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of Jurgen Klinsmann (just kidding....ha ha the US coach is an immigrant as well!!! ) 

Things I've learned.....

In my very short time on this planet (wink, wink), I've attained my fair share of knowledge. Not necessarily Neil Degrasse Tyson knowledge, but you know the shit that gets you through the day, with a smile. Some of it skewed to my POV, some it wise and some of it just plain fucking true. So you all know how much I love bullet points and lists, so here's what I've learned.

I've learned that no matter how many fucking times you lecture your kids, they are going to do whatever the fuck they want. You know why? Because they're related to YOU! 

I'ver learned that what people think about you is none of your fucking business. Seriously, there is more important shit in the world, keep it moving. 

I've learned that most people only remember the bad and have a difficult time recalling or even creating the good. 

I've learned that you cannot do the same shit at 20, that you can at 30 or that you can at 40. Notice how that progressed into a positive with no regrets there..take a lesson

I've learned that no matter what your faith, it blinds you to the truth. 

I've learned that there are always going to be skinny bitches and you are probably not one of them.  

I've learned that you should ALWAYS buy the shoes, ride the ride, say what's on your mind and never sweat the small stuff. Life is too short. 

I've learned that little kids are actually pretty fucking smart and make more sense that most adults I know. 

I've learned that discrimination runs about as rampant as any terminal disease and lasts about as long.

Ive learned that freedom isn't free. Thank you to all my military people. :)

 I've learned that ugliness has nothing to do with your physical appearance. Beauty fades and ugliness on the inside lasts a lifetime.

I've learned that everyone is born free, good and loving. It's walking around this planet that fucks your shit up. 

I've learned that I should have paid more attention to the stories my grandparents told. That was some valuable free advice and a roadmap from where I came. 

I've learned that just because you are a woman with a child does not make you a mother and just because you gave birth doesn't make you a mom.

I've learned that I have less patience for bullshit as I get older. LOL..imagine me with even less patience. 

I've learned that the people I thought would be in my life forever, didn't even make it to the halfway point.... their loss. 

I've learned (the absolute hard way) that just because you have a mouth, doesn't mean you always should feel the need to use it. 

I've learned that no matter how much you may be irritated by your family, you will miss them when they are gone. Family is the truest form of forced socialization, gotta love it. 

I've learned that whether or not you believe it, Karma believes in you. And the rumors are true! 

I've learned that no matter how hard you try, your shit is never going to look as good as it does on Pinterest. True story. 

I've learned that the "perfect" size is whatever mother fucking size I am wearing that day! 

I've learned that when there isn't any love left, most of the time, there wasn't ever any love.

I've learned that I may not be perfect, but I'm pretty fucking close.  ;) 

And last but not least, but absolute all time favorite thing in the world.....
I've learned that people may not remember what you said, or what you did but they will ALWAYS remember how you made them feel.