This is us now......

What in the actual fuck 2020? Seriously, what in the fuck? Man, I re-read my last post from January of this year, and it fucking seemed full of optimism compared to now. I love to see the best in every situation, although mostly through an extremely sarcastic point of view, but seriously the best. And I gotta be honest with you, this one is throwing me for a loop. I am happy to be among the fortunate who have neither lost anyone nor suffered at the hands of COVID19. I am truly saddened and my heart aches for those around the world dealing with the consequences of this illness. Of course, the main concern is for the health and welfare of everyone, but there are certainly other consequences of this pandemic (fucking feels like a sci-fi film even typing that word).

We're almost two months into this and.....this is us now. Us, the "sheltered in place", the "quarantined", the makers of masks out of t-shirts, the socially distanced. This is us now. Us, the ever hand washing, the panicked, the buying all of the toilet paper (seriously, WTF is that???) the raiding of all the markets, the "me and mine only". This is us now. Us, fearful of losing our jobs, our way of life, our homes, our lives. 

BUT.... I promise, this too shall pass. I haven't told many, but I did suffer a setback in this, I lost my job. I was laid off. My first reactions-anger, fear and then shame. I didn't tell a bunch of people, because I was a grown ass woman in my late fort, ahem, late thirties, who was unemployed in the middle of THE worst time to be unemployed. How would we survive? How could they do this to me? While I would love to tell you how the evil corporation I worked for did me wrong, it doesn't help. Plus, I'm legally bound by my severance agreement, lol, no seriously though. I am going to be okay, I guarantee you that. I am going to be okay because I choose to be. I am going to be okay, because frankly, I was raised to rise up, no matter what.  Easier said than done, right? I choose to believe, because what is the alternative? Doom and gloom? Nah, that's not for me and it shouldn't be for you either. You will really have to take a hard look and make some hard decisions, but I assure you, you'll be okay and you'll do the right thing. Maybe you have your family, your friends or your faith, or shit, maybe you're lucky enough to have all three and those will get you through. 

IF you need help, there is help. Help is nothing to be ashamed of and can come in the form of finance, supplies, services or just plain information. If you know me personally and need help finding help, your'e in luck because I am THE BEST at finding shit out. Literally, the best, trust me. So find my email, my social networking accounts or LinkedIn. I will find a way to find you help. If you're not friends with me personally, my suggestion is to literally Google what you're looking for, I am not fucking around. Type the question literally into Google and I promise it will start you down the path you need to be on. I wish I was Bill Gates status and could hand out checks faster than the government, but the universe has chosen a different path for me. Maybe that will be my next career, finding people help. Who the fuck knows. 

In the meantime. Don't beat yourself up about being unemployed, about not planning every fucking minute of your kids day or about wearing your damn PJ's all day. This is a TRAUMATIC situation we are all going through. There are no fucking rules, none. Nobody has been through this shit before and don't let them make you feel bad about the way you're dealing with it. As long as you have some routine of self care, it's all good. Join an online church, write a book, play video games, be you. Be the you you've always wanted to be but never had the time or motivation to become. Or just continue being the fabulous you that you are. 

This is us now. Us, the grocery store clerks, the doctors, the healthcare workers, the janitors, the delivery drivers, the "necessaries" of society who are keeping us afloat (if I may steal the cheesiest line of all time "Not all heroes wear capes"). This is us now. Us, the forever changed. 

My best thoughts and vibes to all my family and friends out there. My sincere wishes for the best to all of my fellow humans to come through this healthy and stronger for having gone through it. Until we meet again. 

It's okay, no really, it's okay.......

Damn, I am a shiitttyyy blogger. Good thing it's a hobby and not a profession. The mood struck on this day in the newly minted year of 2019....... LMFAO... I found this draft. THAT's how shitty of a blogger I am! LOL, a year ago I started to write a post, and then didn't. So I'll crib my words and start this in the newly minted year of 2020. Damn, time flies. 

 It's a rare cold day for me here in Southern California, so I had some "down" time. I generally thoroughly relish the role of smart ass, sarcastic, in your face author, but these days, I'm just kind of tired. I don't have any health issues (although like probably every woman in existence, I could stand to lose a few pounds and gain some more energy) and I'm not depressed, I'm just tired, and you know what? For the first time in a long time, it's okay. I abhor reading these FB posts about blogs about how EVERYONE is just out their mind busy all the time. Are you really though? Are you really that busy or are you not comfortable enough with you to be able to do nothing and be tired. Sure, you have kids, you have a job, you want a life, I get it, been there done that, ahem, doing that. But at the end of the day why aren't some things just okay? Like being tired. Let me tell you, fuck getting old, no really, fuck that. I don't want to be old, I don't want to look old, I don't want to feel old, but guess what? I'm getting old, and it's okay. I can't stop it. I can't turn back the proverbial hands of time, and if I'm being honest, I don't want to. Being this old brought me to where I am now, albeit tired me, me. I'm good with getting old and being tired, I'm not good with feeling guilty about it or having to apologize for it. FUCK THAT. 
You know what else is okay. Not wanting to have kids. The urge does not strike every man and woman on Earth. I hate (and I used to be guilty of it as well) hearing people, well women being told by another woman (because let's be real, nobody says this shit to a man) that she doesn't want kids only to hear the same fucking retort every time "You'll change your mind". No bitch, she won't and that's okay. Having kids is a FUCK ton of work. It puts a strain on you physically, mentally and financially and if you're smart enough to have figured that shit out BEFORE you had a kid, good for you.
There are two sides to every coin right? Right. I myself am a side and for example my husband is the other side of that coin. He's my husband and I love him dearly but we don't fucking agree on every damn thing. And that is so much more than okay. How boring would we be if we agreed on everything? Ugh! A good fight every once in a while keeps the romance alive. And for all the people that say different, fuck you. You're going to get divorced or your spouse is cheating on you right now. Okay, that shit was harsh, but you know what I mean. Not being in step on every fucking thing is most definitely okay. In fact, it's a necessity.

Last year was fucking insane. FUCKING INSANE. And we're only a month into this year and already, double fucking insane. It's okay to have your political opinions, your sociological opinions, your sports opinions and all of that, really it is. But fuck, ya'll cannot seem to respect that about each other. I don't agree with like 90% of what 90% of what my friends and family say, but I still love them. I would still take a bullet, throw a punch, drive to a Tijuana jail (that must be an LA thing, because I never hear MF'ers in NY talk about bailing someone out of TJ jail...LOL) and all of that nonsense. :I don't want to get on a high horse (what in the AF is a "high" horse) or tell you what you should be doing, but fuck, someone needs to. Believe in your mental healer, believe that the Dodgers are one day going to win the world series in your lifetime, believe that Trump is a good president (that was painful), all of that, but remember that not everyone agrees with you and THAT SHIT IS OKAY. 

Love and prayers to all that lost in 2019 and those who are suffering already in 2020. 
Make this your year in whatever way brings you joy my family and friends!