What I am thankful for.....

I bet you thought this was going to be a heartfelt post about all the things I love in my life, my family, blah blah blah. Well you obviously haven't been paying attention. It cracks me up that with my legion of blog followers (a total of zero because you assholes don't share my wisdom with friends and family) the favorite is always the Merry Fucking Christmas post. You know why? Because that shit is REAL. Not sugar coated, Martha Stewart fake shit, REAL shit about the holidays. So I thought I'd take that premise and apply it to my second favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. (My first favorite is Christmas and Halloween is not a fucking holiday). I tend to write in list format and the reason really is because it's easier for stupid people to read and relate to. It's like I'm telling them what's important and the order it goes in. Don't believe me, did you see the results of the last election? I rest my case. So in no particular order (wink wink) here is what I am thankful for this year.

I am thankful that the NFL moved the PAT (point after try) back to the 25 yard line. Why, you ask? Well if you're a football fan, you've noticed a fuck of a lot more kicks getting blocked or flat out missed, which fucking makes me laugh. For all of you that are not NFL fans, but may be NBA fans, missing a PAT is like missing a fucking free throw. If you can't make that shit, why even bother being a professional athlete. So, I like to see people that call themselves professional athletes (oxymoron) fail. It's kind of my thing. 

I am thankful that stupid people still exist and place their talents on display publicly and often. I mean fuck 2016 and was really the year of the moron not the monkey, let's be honest. I could list the examples, but that would be the whole blog. Just suffice to say that something called "the mannequin challenge" exists. Enough said. 

I am thankful that Joe Biden is seriously the funnies mother f"er to be in office. That dude slays me. On top of all of the memes that are out about him and Obama, the actual real shit he does is f'n hilarious. Google that shit. 

I am thankful that I can say "google that shit" and people can actually find stuff out without me having to explain it. Makes my life so much easier. 

I am thankful that Tim Tebow has resurrected his career and is becoming a baseball player. I also believe fully in the fact that he is the next coming of Jesus Christ. What? You don't believe? Have you ever seen them in the same room together? Did he not miraculously (and famously) save a baseball fan from dying just by laying his hands on them? Makes you think, right? 

I am thankful that Fox decided to hire Pete Rose and Alex Rodriguez as commentators during the world series. That shit was fucking hilarious. Alex is extremely intelligent (I'll admit I was surprised) and makes these astute observations and then the next minute is going over to fix Pete Rose's tie as he slumps into the camera shot.Classic! 

And finally I am thankful for people who lost their mind over the election. I mean seriously. I am not oblivious to the facts of the campaign and the people involved, but fuck, relax. I mean don't sit around and not do anything about what you believe in, but fuck typing a 1052 word rant on FB is not going to change the results. I will sit back and laugh at what a cry baby you are if you do that. You want real change, get off your ass and out from behind your keyboard and go get it. Analyzing the stupidity of the average american (see item #2 above) can take months or years and by that time it's already time to elect another person. It's not preschool, you can't sit around and cry until they give in and not everybody gets a fucking trophy. Put on your big people panties and get on with your life. 

Then seriously, I am extremely grateful to be surrounded by a wonderful family with my loving husband, great kids, and all of our extended brood. We are fortunate to have great friends who are like second family to us as well. And with all of my sincerest wishes, I wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving from me and mine!