What I am thankful for.....

I bet you thought this was going to be a heartfelt post about all the things I love in my life, my family, blah blah blah. Well you obviously haven't been paying attention. It cracks me up that with my legion of blog followers (a total of zero because you assholes don't share my wisdom with friends and family) the favorite is always the Merry Fucking Christmas post. You know why? Because that shit is REAL. Not sugar coated, Martha Stewart fake shit, REAL shit about the holidays. So I thought I'd take that premise and apply it to my second favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. (My first favorite is Christmas and Halloween is not a fucking holiday). I tend to write in list format and the reason really is because it's easier for stupid people to read and relate to. It's like I'm telling them what's important and the order it goes in. Don't believe me, did you see the results of the last election? I rest my case. So in no particular order (wink wink) here is what I am thankful for this year.

I am thankful that the NFL moved the PAT (point after try) back to the 25 yard line. Why, you ask? Well if you're a football fan, you've noticed a fuck of a lot more kicks getting blocked or flat out missed, which fucking makes me laugh. For all of you that are not NFL fans, but may be NBA fans, missing a PAT is like missing a fucking free throw. If you can't make that shit, why even bother being a professional athlete. So, I like to see people that call themselves professional athletes (oxymoron) fail. It's kind of my thing. 

I am thankful that stupid people still exist and place their talents on display publicly and often. I mean fuck 2016 and was really the year of the moron not the monkey, let's be honest. I could list the examples, but that would be the whole blog. Just suffice to say that something called "the mannequin challenge" exists. Enough said. 

I am thankful that Joe Biden is seriously the funnies mother f"er to be in office. That dude slays me. On top of all of the memes that are out about him and Obama, the actual real shit he does is f'n hilarious. Google that shit. 

I am thankful that I can say "google that shit" and people can actually find stuff out without me having to explain it. Makes my life so much easier. 

I am thankful that Tim Tebow has resurrected his career and is becoming a baseball player. I also believe fully in the fact that he is the next coming of Jesus Christ. What? You don't believe? Have you ever seen them in the same room together? Did he not miraculously (and famously) save a baseball fan from dying just by laying his hands on them? Makes you think, right? 

I am thankful that Fox decided to hire Pete Rose and Alex Rodriguez as commentators during the world series. That shit was fucking hilarious. Alex is extremely intelligent (I'll admit I was surprised) and makes these astute observations and then the next minute is going over to fix Pete Rose's tie as he slumps into the camera shot.Classic! 

And finally I am thankful for people who lost their mind over the election. I mean seriously. I am not oblivious to the facts of the campaign and the people involved, but fuck, relax. I mean don't sit around and not do anything about what you believe in, but fuck typing a 1052 word rant on FB is not going to change the results. I will sit back and laugh at what a cry baby you are if you do that. You want real change, get off your ass and out from behind your keyboard and go get it. Analyzing the stupidity of the average american (see item #2 above) can take months or years and by that time it's already time to elect another person. It's not preschool, you can't sit around and cry until they give in and not everybody gets a fucking trophy. Put on your big people panties and get on with your life. 

Then seriously, I am extremely grateful to be surrounded by a wonderful family with my loving husband, great kids, and all of our extended brood. We are fortunate to have great friends who are like second family to us as well. And with all of my sincerest wishes, I wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving from me and mine! 

Dear America,

Dear America, 

We're broken. We're not beyond hope, yet, but we're broken. In the wake of what can only be described as one of the most horrifying events of the last decade, America elected an old white man. But wait, you say, we've elected old white men before. What's the difference? The difference is it's 2016 mother fuckers. MLK hoped that by now we'd be judging people by the "content of their character and not by the color of their skin". And to say this candidate lacked character would be the understatement of the century.  I have nothing against old men, white men, or men in general. I have a LOT against this old white man. A blatant racist, misogynist, and all around douche bag. He has absolutely ZERO business acumen, absolutely ZERO political experience and yet America thought he'd make a good commander in chief. Well, actually not most of America, and not even the majority of American only the uneducated America.  America, the trail blazer for democracy, is still using a 150 plus year old system to elect their leader. Let that sink in. America said that they were so tired of the "status quo" (who happens to be a black man) that they needed to go back to feeling comfortable again. They needed to go back to feeling like they were going to be in charge of their lives. I say "they" but they are we, they are us. We are a country divided like no other time in history. This division goes beyond race, gender and economic equality. This division comes down to human decency. The ability to treat our fellow human American with decency.  To have to think about calling this ass clown the President sickens me to no end. 

But remember what I said in the beginning? We're not beyond hope. Not yet. I hear a lot of people on Facebook asking what are they going to tell their kids. Here's what you tell your kids. You tell them that in real life there are setbacks. In real life people are NOT always nice people or good people but that they have to keep doing what they think is right. You tell them that the fact that this person with ZERO experience was elected to be the President of the United States  makes  it even more possible for ANYONE (including your child) to be the next President, to be a better President. You tell your kids that they should never settle for the "status quo" because that's why this person was placed in office. We are using a system to "democratically elect" a President that is over 150 years old and needs to be changed. You tell your kids that there is hope because a woman (who has only had the right to vote for less than 100 years) actually received MORE votes than the person that "won". You tell your kids that at the end of the day, some man living in some house that they will never meet and probably never see, can NOT take their hopes and dreams away. And while you're at it, comfort yourselves in that knowledge as well. 

And listen DO NOT FUCKING REPLY to this post with some bullshit about Hillary Clinton. Fuck you that wasn't the point and if you didn't get the point, don't fucking read my blog. 

Until the next election, 

'Murica