1) Express gratitude. The article actually suggests that you appreciate the things you have in your life instead of coveting what you WANT to have. Now this seems like encouragement to be a lazy fuck. Basically the advice is that you better appreciate what you have because it doesn't get any better. WTF? I say, express a lack of willingness to accept the status quo and then thank yourself when you finally get what you want. (Hopefully you worked for and earned it and didn't steal it. But who am I to judge?)
2) Cultivate Optimism. The article says that people see the cup as half full live in a world packed with endless opportunities. I say that if your glass is only HALF full you better get the fuck up and either fill it up yourself or have the bartender stop slacking on his duties.
3) Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. Again, cherish what you already have and stop competing with the "Jones". WTF? This goes against every AMERICAN fiber of our beings. I mean what the fuck did that kid create Facebook for if not to over-think statuses, and compare your social life to those of your 8 million friends? This is terrible advice. If you don't obsess on what people say and do and try and beat those mother fuckers before they achieve something you haven't, you are lost in this world.
4) Practice Acts of Kindness. I am just going to go ahead and assume the author means for yourself. You should be kind to yourself everyday, because if you don't who will? Plus the author cites that practicing random acts of kindness releases Serotonin and well, couldn't we all use a little more Serotonin in our lives, really, come on.
5) Nurture social relationships. "The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep meaningful relationships". Well this is a no-brainer. Doesn't everyone have lots of deep meaningful relationships? The one I have with my legions of followers (Hint, hint), the one I have with the mailman when I say "thank you" for putting my mail in the mailbox. The one I have with my bartender when I politely say "where the fuck is my refill"? I mean some people have even taken this to the next level. Of course there are restraining orders and stalking laws to discourage that, but you should it give your all no matter what!! Who can put a price on the legal defense of YOUR happiness!
6) Develop strategies for coping. DUH! What do you think drugs and alcohol are for... NEXT
7) Learn to Forgive. "Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being " I couldn't agree more. Don't hold that shit in. You find whoever it is that wronged you and beat the fuck out of them immediately. No time like the present. You will feel so much better. And after you're done, don't forget to tell the person how much you've forgiven them!
8) Increase flow experiences. When I first read this one, I thought well fuck, once a month is PLENTY for me, but the meaning was COMPLETELY different. "Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still". WTF? Who is this person writing this fucking article? Time stands still? Who the fuck has time to stand still. In the REAL world the best philosophy is to keep it moving... a moving target is hard to hit. Forget this flow shit....
9) Savor life's joys. So I am assuming the author is talking about drinking your wine slower and eating your chocolate so that is lasts for hours (kind of like the flow, but better). So, yeah.
10) Commit to your goals. "Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force." I don't even know what the fuck ineffable means. So, let me explain it to you. If you say you are going to punch someone in the face, you do it and do it well. If you're an excellent stalker, then you be the best stalker you can be. Make that commitment to excellence and achieve your goals. The ends always justify the means. Trust me.
11) Practice spirituality. "when we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us". Um, no shit. Most of you know that I'm not big on religion or spirituality, so whatever floats your boat is up to you. But, yes, the world is bigger than you and if you haven't accepted that yet, then maybe you need to do more than just "practice" spirituality or religion, you may need professional help.
12) Take care of your body. "Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be". Okay, I am going to go out on a limb and assume that this person means like exercise and shit. And let me just tell you that I have NEVER seen someone leaving a yoga class with a fucking smile on their face, NEVER. And I sure as fuck have never left my exercise sessions in an orgasmic state of being either. Not that everyone shouldn't be healthy, but it's all relative.
And there you have it. Follow these guidelines and you can be as happy as I am. Until next time.... you're welcome. :)
4) Practice Acts of Kindness. I am just going to go ahead and assume the author means for yourself. You should be kind to yourself everyday, because if you don't who will? Plus the author cites that practicing random acts of kindness releases Serotonin and well, couldn't we all use a little more Serotonin in our lives, really, come on.
5) Nurture social relationships. "The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep meaningful relationships". Well this is a no-brainer. Doesn't everyone have lots of deep meaningful relationships? The one I have with my legions of followers (Hint, hint), the one I have with the mailman when I say "thank you" for putting my mail in the mailbox. The one I have with my bartender when I politely say "where the fuck is my refill"? I mean some people have even taken this to the next level. Of course there are restraining orders and stalking laws to discourage that, but you should it give your all no matter what!! Who can put a price on the legal defense of YOUR happiness!
6) Develop strategies for coping. DUH! What do you think drugs and alcohol are for... NEXT
7) Learn to Forgive. "Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being " I couldn't agree more. Don't hold that shit in. You find whoever it is that wronged you and beat the fuck out of them immediately. No time like the present. You will feel so much better. And after you're done, don't forget to tell the person how much you've forgiven them!
8) Increase flow experiences. When I first read this one, I thought well fuck, once a month is PLENTY for me, but the meaning was COMPLETELY different. "Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still". WTF? Who is this person writing this fucking article? Time stands still? Who the fuck has time to stand still. In the REAL world the best philosophy is to keep it moving... a moving target is hard to hit. Forget this flow shit....
9) Savor life's joys. So I am assuming the author is talking about drinking your wine slower and eating your chocolate so that is lasts for hours (kind of like the flow, but better). So, yeah.
10) Commit to your goals. "Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force." I don't even know what the fuck ineffable means. So, let me explain it to you. If you say you are going to punch someone in the face, you do it and do it well. If you're an excellent stalker, then you be the best stalker you can be. Make that commitment to excellence and achieve your goals. The ends always justify the means. Trust me.
11) Practice spirituality. "when we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us". Um, no shit. Most of you know that I'm not big on religion or spirituality, so whatever floats your boat is up to you. But, yes, the world is bigger than you and if you haven't accepted that yet, then maybe you need to do more than just "practice" spirituality or religion, you may need professional help.
12) Take care of your body. "Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be". Okay, I am going to go out on a limb and assume that this person means like exercise and shit. And let me just tell you that I have NEVER seen someone leaving a yoga class with a fucking smile on their face, NEVER. And I sure as fuck have never left my exercise sessions in an orgasmic state of being either. Not that everyone shouldn't be healthy, but it's all relative.
And there you have it. Follow these guidelines and you can be as happy as I am. Until next time.... you're welcome. :)
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