More of a few of my favorite things.....NOT

So my sister-in-law sent me a message the other day asking me to comment on what I thought about Kanye and Kim's kid being named North. While at the time I hadn't even heard what those two fucktards (who should NEVER have been allowed to pro-create) named their child (soon to be fucktard) it got me thinking back to my favorite topic....bitching about things I don't like. So, thank you sister-in-law for brightening my day with all the possibilities. Without further ado....round 2.

I will just get it out there up front. Putting a pin in the whole celebrity baby naming thing (or as I like to call them Fucktards who think they matter in the world), let me just say this about Kanye and Kim. First, he is an asshole. He used to at least be a talented asshole, but now... not so much with the talent. I don't know if his mother's death affected him that much, but everyone has drama, move on. And her, I can't even begin. But when you fuck an entire nation of "famous" people, publish your sexcapades for all to view it tells me that 1) you're extremely insecure 2) you're fucking an idiot and 3) you are a wanna be pornstar. So, Kanye and Kim NOT anywhere near a few of my favorite things. 

Baby names. Aside from famous people there are some regular people who just take naming their child to a whole new level of fucktardedness. Remember that your child has to go through life with this name. Remember that every teacher from Kindergarten through college is going to call this name out in front of a crowd of its peers. Naming your child a fruit, a random thought or a direction, are never good choices. These are choices made by self indulgent fucktards who want everyone to pay more attention to them because they can't get enough so they use their child to gain even more attention. Yes, I'm talking about you, Gwyneth Paltrow (Apple), Demi Moore (Rumer, Scout, Tallulah Belle) and fucktard Kim (North). You are pathetic and should be banned from pro-creation. I am not saying the Dad's get a pass either, but let's face it, much like wedding plans, naming of the kids generally run by the chick. So for all of you Seven's (if you watched Seinfeld, you will get that AWESOME reference) and Skylabs, I apologize for your parents attention whoredness.... NEXT. 
Why the fuck do people at work feel the need to have LOUD ASS personal conversations in the middle of the fucking office? Go out into the hall, the garage, I don't give a fuck, but I certainly don't want to hear you and and your significant other continue your argument from last night. Ain't nobody got time for that. 
People who troll Facebook, Pinterest, whatever the fuck social media for attention. Posting vague and pathetic statuses for everyone to quickly comment on. Grow the fuck up. Nobody cares about you and if they did, they wouldn't fucking write about it on social media. Dipshit. 
Why the fuck is everything in the world bad for you? You can't eat this or live here or drive that or talk on this cell phone. For fuck's sake, someone just lasso us into the Sun and get it over with... Sheesh. It can't be all that fucking bad. If it was, people would be dropping like flies already. 
People who have no grasp of the English language nor the writing skills to prove different. Yes, we all are irritated with your, you're and then and than, but FUCK...there are people who don't even know the difference between specific and pacific. The I before E rule is completely lost on these folks. Where the fuck did they go to school, the BCA's school? WTF? In the laziest society in the world, you can still look like a genius if you use your spell check and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Internet Memes. Honestly, I had to ask someone what the fuck that shit was. It's funny for five minutes and the first 50 that people send you via email. After that, it's just fucking stupid and pathetic. Everyone needs to go back to People of Wal-Mart and Ecards. Enough said.
Hollywood "stars' (I fucking hate that term) that just won't let it go. I don't give a fuck HOW good you thought Fast and Furious 6 was, it's enough now. They are talking about a seventh. This is not James fucking Bond, it's car thieves. How long does it take the fucking world to recognize these fucking people that come into their country to rob them? Seriously? And how do they fucking run out of money so fast? Liam Neeson, Taken 1 was a great movie, Taken 2 was the shit I step in when I am hiking up a mountain after horses have been there, the fact that you are remotely contemplating a Taken 3, well, a punch in the throat is warranted here. And how many times can fucking Iron Man or The Avengers save the planet? I have been walking around here a fair amount of time and have never thought, Fuck, I wish we had a group of heroes to save us from....ourselves? WTF? 
How the fuck are you Starbucks and you run out of breakfast sandwiches at 9 in the morning? Yes, this is personal to me but still...you are the fucking LARGEST coffee retailer on the fucking planet. Maybe ordering a couple hundred sandwiches might be in order you morons. 
And when the fuck did TV programs become so fucking lazy? When I was little, programs were on until Summer break, everyone got their vacations and then back to it by the time school started. WTF is up with these shows and their season finales say "We will back in 2014". WTF is that? 2014? What if the world ends (you know the Avengers aren't real)? What if I fucking FORGET every damn thing that happened on your fucking show because it's been an eternity since the last episode? And no I don't want to fucking watch 20 episodes over the weekend to "catch up". Fuck you TV! You should be on my schedule not yours. 


Feeling much better now that I've gotten that out there in cyberspace. Feel free to keep YOUR favorite things to yourself! Until next time.....

Marriage, guns and other great social reform topics.

Sigh, here we are in the great year of 2013, the 21st century and for all of the "giant leaps forward" we still seem like a planet full of backwards ass dipshits. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? I mean that rhetorically of course, because I already know the answer. People are what's wrong with people. As I contemplate the items that consistently grab the headlines, I just shake my head and wonder if we will ever truly achieve a society where nobody has their heads up their ass. Short of martians enslaving the human population, I don't believe so. So, here are this crazy woman's takes on the ever present social reform headlines we see.
Marriage. Ah, our good friend marriage. To love honor, obey (wait they took that out, right?), and cherish. These TOTALLY sound like words of legalese to me, don't they to you? Wait, what is that you say, they sound more, faith based, more God like, more RELIGIOUS??!!! GASP! Can't be. Marriage a religious institution? How dare thee blasphemer! So, here's the deal. A long long time ago, before Elizabeth Taylor and her 52 marriages and before Larry King started tying then untying the knot, there was this sacred institution, thought up by men, to keep women under their control. I use the word sacred because that's the word these male chauvinist fuckers used to make it sound all nice and flowery and the dumb chicks bought into it. EVERY religion has some form of marriage or union between their participants. Sometimes these unions are not socially accepted, however for the participants, these are their beliefs. And they will adamantly defend these beliefs til death do them part. Interesting that when convenient, religious fanatics (Yes, you are ALL fanatics) subscribe to the separation of church and state idealism. However, when it comes to marriages they want to have their three tiered wedding cake and eat it too. Marriage brings about some pretty awesome benefits with it. If you are "legally" married, you are in a better tax bracket, you pay less for health insurance, you have more legal rights to own property, you have more legal rights over your spouse's estate, you even have more rights over your OWN child than non-married people do. Makes sense, right? FUCK NO. In the US alone the current divorce rate is now OVER 50%. It takes 5 minutes in most states to fill out a marriage license and say "I do" and in some states it can take as much as 18 months (and thousands of dollars) to get divorced. How did we get the country to buy into this insane religious "institution"  and adopt it as a national way of life? Because you both signed a piece of paper your relationship is better than mine? It will last longer than mine? Statistics say different. And if that's the way you feel, USA, then shouldn't marriage and all it's awesome legal "perks" be extended to ALL of its citizens. I mean, after all, this is the land of the free, right? Certain inalienable rights? But that's not the way it is. The way it is now, is that the conservative right wing fucking religious zealot nut jobs, have decided that seeing two people of the same sex have the same rights that they do, makes them uncomfortable. WHAT THE FUCK SHIT IS THAT? Let me for a moment, put the gay marriage aside. If I decide that I don't want to be encumbered by this RELIGIOUS RITE OF CULT PASSAGE that everyone goes through, well because I'm not FUCKING RELIGIOUS, then I get punished as well? If I decide that I am perfectly content to have a "partner" or "domestic partner" or whatever the FUCK you want to call him, I still get dicked out of the "inalienable" rights of married people? Explain this to me. I pay taxes, I work, I vote, but because I'm not married (is this like when they wrote the constitution and they really meant that they were granting inalienable rights to white land owners only?) I get the grand fucking without any dinner or cigarette afterwards? If you think this doesn't affect you, YOU ARE WRONG. Want to buy property with your "partner" better pay your lawyers a shit-ton of money to make sure you don't get screwed out of profit when it sells. Want to adopt a baby with your "partner", only ONE of you can be the legal guardian, not both. Want to put your "partner" on your health plan? Sure, your company will pay you for what it would pay for your partner then tax you on it as additional income than pay the part that you would pay AFTER taxes. Want to make medical decisions for your partner? Fuck you, you need a living will for that. When they ask if you are "immediate family", guess what? The answer is "No". So, in our awesomely separate yet equal society, oh, I mean equal society, if you aren't God fearing, then you are just fearing... the pain of taking it in the ass with no lube.
Gun Control. I am on the fence about this one. I do believe that it is your right to arm yourself if you so choose. I do believe that is not the government's place to control this decision. I also believe that I cannot imagine a scenario wherein you would need a fucking African war lord's arsenal to defend yourself from the government or anyone for that fact. I mean look at not too distant history, the Santa Monica shootings, the Colorado shootings at the movie theater, I mean what exactly are we telling our citizens? It's okay for EVERYONE to have guns, but it's not okay for you to use them to shoot each other? Um... okay. Makes complete sense right... well it's ONLY okay for you to shoot a prostitute in Texas if she doesn't comply with your request for sex after you had to pay for it.(Pretty sure prostitution is illegal...but I digress). True story. So aside from Texas and their wild west way of life, in the real world, what the fuck is going on here? Are we hurtling towards a real life "The Purge" scenario? Will it be okay to "get it out of your system" one day per year so we can put all these guns and bullets to good use? Look, we don't live in a third world country. There is no need to stockpile arms. President Obama isn't trying to disarm the American people. If you feel safe with a gun, then good for you. Just keep your fucking gun at home where it belongs. And oh, NRA, we do fucking need more thorough background checks of people you sell your shit to. If you don't think so, then you are fucking stupid and ignorant. Mentally unstable people shouldn't have guns. But then again, fucking assholes shouldn't be controlling the country with their lobbying and bribes..... On to the next one...
Your Privacy. Ooooh.... the CIA/NSA/GESTAPO is listening to your calls, monitoring your texts, reading your FB posts... so fucking what? What do you have to hide? Sure, I believe in my right to privacy, but you know what I also fucking believe in? I believe that there are fucking lunatics out there that plot to injure and kill Americans on a daily fucking basis and you know how they plan to do it, through fucking social media, the internet and their fucking cell phones. So fucking what if the NSA wants to waste their time reading your sexts to your significant other. Would you rather feel violated or would you rather feel dead? Freedom isn't really free. People have to fight for it all over the world, yet somehow us Americans feel it's a right that we are born with, entitled to and won't lift a fucking finger to do anything about. Look, I'm not saying that we should endure violation of our constitutional rights or that censorship should ensue... But I am saying that if scanning some random calls, texts or emails makes it safe for my kids to fly around the country or live in a major city, then I am okay with that. Get over your self righteousness and stop being so self centered to believe that anyone cares what you're texting anyone about....
Gay Marriage. This one may seem redundant, but I have a point here. While this may seem to contradict the paragraph before this one, let me make something crystal clear. I don't like my fucking Mom telling me what I can and can't do let alone the fucking government. You may think this doesn't affect you because A) you're not gay B) you don't personally know any gay people or C) you happen to not like gay people. Well let me show you how we get from point A to internment camps in a very short illustration. Essentially the only difference between gay people and straight people is the way you choose to have sex. Period. If you think otherwise, you are ignorant. Please stop reading my blog if you are this ignorant, because my humor is probably lost on you anyway. So, there are still laws on the books of many states that outlaw Sodomy. For those of you new to sex, sodomy is anal sex. Now, if you think anal sex is limited to gay men, you obviously have never been on the internet. So, as a governmental entity, the USA is saying that it is wrong for you to have anal sex, period. If someone in Congress decides (most likely from the Bible belt) to interpret a new passage in the Bible to say that doggie style is immoral and it gets outlawed, still think it only affects the gay population? If the government goes one step further and says that there are certain ethnic mixes that really shouldn't pro-create because of the possibility of genetic mutations, and that gets outlawed, still doesn't affect you? How about your kids? Your family members? Do you get the gist of where I am going with this? When you sit silently by and let others be persecuted because it doesn't affect you, do you see what that leads to? There's a quote/poem by Martin Niemoller that you should google and read. And after you read that, tell me that you have the right to tell two other Americans that they aren't permitted to love, cherish and honor each other for the rest of their lives. Enough said.
Tune in next time when I give my views on Internet Memes, George Takei and other very pressing matters of the day.