These are a few of my favorite things....NOT!!!

I know it may be hard to believe, but from time to time, I like to bitch! Just for the heck of it. Maybe it's because it was Friday the 13th or maybe it's because it's so fucking hot. Or maybe it's just BECAUSE! If you don't want to hear any "negative" right now, then keep it moving...this is MY time and I am going to be as bitchy and negative as I want! 


My name is Jennifer. It is not Jen, Jenny, J or any version thereof. I do not introduce myself as anything other than Jennifer. I have known you for five seconds, don't be so fucking lazy, use my entire name the way my Momma and Daddy intended!
Just because you may know people that I know does NOT mean we are besties. I don't know you. Don't lean over and whisper shit in my ear. Don't share intimate details of your life with me. If I want to know, I will ask. It's probably because I just don't give a fuck.
Why oh why Californians, specifically (not pacifically) Angelenos, do you slam on your brakes for one fucking rain drop? It's not a tornado, it's not a tsunami, it's a fucking rain drop. Where I am from, rain drops are the size of grapefruits. This is the time to PULL THE FUCK OVER and wait for the storm to pass, not slam on your brakes.
If I don't call you back the first time, it's probably for one of two reasons, I forgot because you are NOT related to me or I am not sleeping with you OR I just don't like you. Get over it. Don't keep calling or mad dialing me to see if I will pick up, I won't. Truth be told, I prefer texting anyways!
If I didn't ask how you are, don't tell me. I don't give a fuck.
It is NEVER okay for you to assume that I will agree with you. Even if you are related to me, do NOT represent me with your opinion. Ask me first.
Please, please, please for the sake of mankind and the universe. TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD/REN! It is not any one's job but your own to discipline, raise or even like your kid. People have kids of their own to mess up, thank you very much.
If you are the "ex" KNOW YOUR ROLE. Know that you are no longer the woman/man of the house where your ex lives. Know that you are the ex for a reason. Know that no matter how you may feel about your ex's new person, it's NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
I am just going to come and say this. If you are over the age of 18 you should NOT be reading the Twilight sagas. You should NOT be watching those movies. You should NOT be listening to Justin Bieber music or Selena Gomez music. Katy Perry is borderline. *There is an exemption for people that have children that fall into the appropriate age category
It is NEVER okay for you to ask me if you can touch me in any way shape or form if I don't know you. You cannot touch my hair, you cannot pull my hair. This is not negotiable. 
It is not okay for you to comment on the color or the length of my hair. If I wanted your opinion I would ask for it. I didn't, so I don't, so keep your comments to yourself. 
I know it may seem like it, due to my overwhelming intelligence and sensitive and kind nature, however I am not a therapist. If I just met you on an airplane, do NOT tell me all of your problems. I cannot solve them. 
And for all that is sacred in the universe, stop taking casual Fridays to a whole new level. We are still at work for pete's sake. Put some fucking clothes on. I don't want to see your daisy dukes or your beer gut. The shirt you wore during your college years is NOT WORK APPROPRIATE! And for fuck's sake, you're a grown ass woman, stop wearing Juicy across your ass to work, not OKAY! 
And for fuck's sake, if you don't know what you want to order at a food truck GET THE FUCK OUT OF LINE! 


Do you feel better? I know I do. You should all try this exercise at least once a month. Get the "bitchies" out!!