Let's get one thing straight. EVERYONE at one time or another has been a Judgy McJudgerson. Maybe it was about something as benign as a hairdo, but you do it. You looked, you saw, you judged. As a member of the female clan of this world, I can tell you that nobody judges better, more often and more harshly than females. And woo hoo, especially when it comes to another female. All you females out there shaking your head and saying "not me", I call bullshit on you. Here's the thing....if you are not hurting anyone, is it necessarily a bad thing? And by not hurting someone I mean, you are not blatantly calling someone out in public about something you have judged them on. I am talking about out with your girls, in a group, laughing in private judging. Is that so wrong? Does that really make us insecure women? Seriously, if I see some chick out in public in her pajamas, I'm sorry I am going to judge. How much effort does it take to put on some real pants? Yoga pants for goodness sake qualify. Does this make me secretly wish I could wear pajamas in public? Fuck no it doesn't. It means I am laughing my ass off at the fact that some dummy thought it was okay to wear her shit in public and look like a fool. Now I know there are some of you saying, what does it matter? Who is she hurting? Why do you have to judge? Shit, because it's a source of entertainment in this otherwise un-entertaining world that we live in. Look I am not posting this chick's picture on Facebook (which is still ruining your life by the way). I am not yelling at her from across the street to go home and change. I am just making a comment to one of my girls or my man. Is that so wrong? I can tell you that men have a TOTALLY different idea about judging. I know from personal experience that some men(yes baby I am talking about you) have no patience for it. He will just look at me and say why are you paying attention to some stupid chick when you should be paying attention to me? Good point. But sometimes, my ADD gets the best of me. But men, don't act like you don't judge as well. Maybe a totally different scale, but you do. How many arm chair QB's and couch potato aspiring Sportswriters are there? Yes, that is called judging. Whether or not you think the Lakers should get rid of Pao Gasol because he is too "soft". That is judging. Who's in the NBA? You or Pao? Thank you. I know we all know that one chick (which I am sure isn't ANY of you) that constantly has something to say about everyone. And by constantly, I mean negatively. That shit is not cool. And that is exactly the type of behavior that has given us other judgers a bad rap. I am all for freedom of speech, freedom of choice and all of that. But if you are going to say something, wear something or do something that makes me want to point and laugh, then you can bet your ass I am going to do it. Does this make me a judger? If you think so, then so be it. I personally feel that fashion faux pas should be exempt from being categorized as judging. If someone doesn't want to look in the mirror before they leave home, why should I have to suffer in silence? Look, everyone is already walking on egg shells of political correctness these days, even me. (two blogs in draft mode with titles that are already so politically incorrect I am hesitant to finish) The biggest evidence of judging obviously comes in the form of celebrities. Everyone always has something to say about celebrities. But shit, they get hazard pay for that, so I don't feel sorry for them at all. For ordinary folks, sometimes life just happens and there is someone there to see it and judge it. All I am saying is that some harmless chicken clucking in the company of friends does not a compulsive judger make. I am not above reproach. I have bad hair days, bad wardrobe days and I have made my fair share of late night trips in boxer shorts and slippers. Do I deserve to be judged? FUCK YES!! At the end of the day, here is this crazy woman's opinion and advice when it comes to judging. When has judging gone too far? When you are hurting someone else's feelings. When it is all consuming and you can't say a good word about anyone. My advice? Remember your audience before you open your mouth. Remember you may be the role model for a future judger of tomorrow and lastly remember that karma is a bitch and you can bet your ass she has judged you long before you even started.
If you are a woman and you don't think that there has been at least 25% of your life dedicated to being crazy, you are deranged, and please stop reading my blog. If you are a man, and you believe that by calling you "special" I was referring to a term of endearment, well then you have just proved my point. I have never been a fan of the whole men are from mars, women are from venus theory, but I do believe there are distinct differences that make women crazy and men special. You will notice I removed the quotations from special now, it's not of any note, I just got tired of hitting the shift button. So, you may be saying to yourself, I am a woman, and I don't think I'm crazy. Let me tell you why you are. If you have ever had the following thought process in your mind and thought it was perfectly rational, you are crazy. Scenario #1:Your significant other male couterpart has just committed an aggregious offense against you (probably something as serious as not noticing your new hairstyle) and in YOUR mind, you believe that the best remedy for this is to not say anything. You just stew in silence. You secretly hope that he will figure it out and apologize for being an insensitive oaf and profess his undying love for you and your goddess like beauty. And the conversation goes like this- Him: What's wrong with you? You: Nothing. Yep, you are crazy. Scenario #2: He comes home from work and you ask how his day went. He says "Fine". In your mind you try and decipher what fine means. Does it mean he is miserable and didn't want to come home to me? Does it mean he is having an affair with someone at the office? In reality he meant his day was FINE. Men, stop nodding in agreement and realize that you truly are special. I say this not dripping with admiration, but with sarcasm. Don't think you fall into the special man category? You do. Here's why. Because at one time in your life you found a shirt or pair of pants you liked and you bought five of them, in five different colors. For every day of the week, right? Special. You have broken up with a woman via text message or by changing your status on Facebook. Special. You truly believe that there is a possibility that there are real superheroes, aliens (with light sabres) and vampires. Special. You believe that by wearing that one jersey and drinking only half of your drink with exactly 10 seconds remaining will somehow will your team into winning a game. Special. For women things are complicated. For men things are simple. For women a conference call or mass text message is required when to decide whether or not she likes a man. For men, she breathes, she's good enough! I envy men, I do. I wish I could answer almost every question with a grunt or a nod. I wish that when I saw my female friends a chest bump or weird handshake from junior high would suffice as a greeting in lieu of a kiss and a recounting of my entire relationship thus far. Men like porn-special. Women like picking apart and judging any woman who is more attractive than they are-crazy. Women will hold a grudge against another woman for something that happened in high school-crazy. Men can't remember their anniversary date-special. A woman will Facebook stalk an ex for months-crazy. A man will forget to "unfriend" his Ex and add his new girlfriend while still having posted pictures of the stalker ex-special.
I admit I fall somewhere in the middle- half crazy, half special, really depends on the day. I am amazed that relationships last longer than a week in our society. I can empathize with both sides of this issue. Women, I understand the reason for the craziness, the specialness of the men drives you to it. And men, the ability to continue with the specialness and somehow handle the craziness is really a gift. At the end of the day, true love prevails when both sides learn to accept each other for what they truly are, a crazy woman and a special man. Chris Rock said it best, "You got to love the crust of a motherfucker. You can't just love the white part of the bread." What a special man he is!
