Chocolate or Vanilla?

So, it's been a while since we've spoken. I've had many, many thoughts, some of them random and some of them observations. You see what I did there? Anyhow, since I've got some spare time as I am spending time in a lovely town, with lovely people and lovely things to do, I figured fuck it, let me sit in my hotel room and share my shit with you all. What can I say, I'm a giver. 

 

Getting back on topic, the age old debate Chocolate or Vanilla. I mean, who hasn't struggled with this choice? And if you haven't, you obviously are missing the entire point of this blog. Are you a Vanilla person? Have you always known you were a Vanilla person? Did you even think about trying Chocolate? Are you a Chocolate person that sneaks Vanilla every once in a while? I'll give you my take on both and if you STILL can't decide, then well, maybe professional help is in order. 

I have to tell you that my first love was Vanilla. I know love is a strong word for Vanilla and believe me I didn't think I would ever use it either, but I did grow to love Vanilla. It was not love at first sight, but I kept an open mind. You know at first it just seemed plain and like something that I would try in passing and then move on. It seemed as though trying Vanilla made me like everyone else. I mean, it is the NUMBER ONE ice cream flavor. Did I want to be like everyone else? Was I ready to try a new flavor? But then I tried Vanilla and discovered that Vanilla was not as plain as I originally thought and that I could even add whatever I wanted to Vanilla to make it better or more exciting. And in the end, I finally realized that I loved Vanilla just the way it was. There were times I wanted Vanilla all to myself but there were others who loved Vanilla  much as I did, and some even more. I didn't like sharing Vanilla but since I already knew how great Vanilla was I couldn't really keep it all to myself. Eventually, like all good things, my time with Vanilla came to an end. Sigh, I really wanted to keep Vanilla, but I knew that it was time to move on and try other flavors. So, Vanilla went back to flavor town and I moved on to try new and other exciting flavors. And that's when I discovered Chocolate. 

I can't even really remember the exact moment that I decided to try Chocolate. I had so many different feelings about flavors at that point, I wasn't sure what I wanted. Chocolate was so different from any other flavor I had ever had. I mean I had heard about Chocolate and how many ways people had loved Chocolate, but I didn't really think it was for me. I waited as long as I could, but I finally gave in and tried Chocolate. And holy fuck was Chocolate for me. It was most definitely love at first sight. It was a feeling that I couldn't put into words (I know right, ME...no words). Chocolate was plain, exciting, different, and the same all at once. Chocolate seemed like the flavor I had been waiting to try my whole life. Once again, there were other people who loved Chocolate like I did, even more, but this time, I didn't think I could bare to part with Chocolate. Chocolate was absolutely the best flavor that happened to me in my life. How could I wake up everyday and not have Chocolate? I needed Chocolate and it was going to my flavor of choice for the rest of my life.

It isn't that Chocolate is better or more exciting than Vanilla, it's just different, it's the flavor I will choose first over and over again. Will I still try Vanilla? Of course, I'll always have love for Vanilla. At the end of the day, I think a little piece of me will always have the question....Chocolate or Vanilla?

 I'm outta here. I have a craving for ice cream.....Guess which flavor? 

Explain it to me like I'm in Kindergarten.......

When I was little, I thought it was pronounced KiddieGarden and I imagined some magical place with kids and a lot of trees and flowers and because I was a little idiot, probably unicorns and shit too. Then two things happened, I stopped being an idiot and I didn't get to go to KiddieGarden, I skipped, I was too advanced. I know right? Hard to believe, but I swear it's true. You probably thought this was going to be about KiddieGarden, but it's not. I know I will let the disappointment wash over you. No, this shit is about the stupid fucking things people do that I would LOVE for them to explain to me....like I was in Kindergarten. I want to make sure I fully grasp the level of stupidity it took for them arrive at the place they currently are.

I would love for the groups that single themselves out for their differences to explain to me (of course) like I was in Kindergarten how this is helpful? While I am a big proponent of celebrating the diversity of all, isn't the very fact that you're segregating yourself from whomever your perceived "oppressors" are giving them what they want? Remember when Loius Farakhan wanted the US government to give all African American people the Northwest part of the United States? (I swear I didn't make that up.. .google it) how would that have been helpful to African Americans? How can he not understand that separate but equal doesn't work? Again, celebrating your culture is one thing, but sports leagues, clubs, etc that ONLY include a specific ethnic group how is that any different than what these same groups complain about all of the time? If I want to join the Latin Football (that's soccer for you Americans...) club, am I not allowed to? How is that different than being excluded for  being Latin? And if I CAN in fact join the Latin Football club, then why call it the Latin Football club. Why not call it the Everyone Football club? What I'm saying here is I want someone to explain to me how celebrating their differences by excluding others is any different than racism or sexism? I will leave the comment section open. (But type slowly)

I would also enjoy it if the people that voted for the Cheeto in office could explain to me like I was in Kindergarten, exactly what about HIM they thought would make a good choice for President? And by exactly what about HIM, I mean just that. Not because he was a better choice than Hillary or because he was different from Obama. What characteristics about this person did you think would make him a good leader for this country? I would LOVE to hear about his achievements that led you to believe with all of your voting heart that he was the best choice for this country. And again, I will leave the comments section open, but if you can't type a response without using Hillary, Obama or Liberals, that you get the Gong. (if you're too young to know what the gong is, google that shit).

My next request would have to be to have it explained to me how (and this is like my 1 millionth time requesting this) these people who do absolutely fucking nothing are famous for that shit? Seriously, Trashdashians, the people from the fucking stupid show about high school in Orange County, the housewives?? Fuck, my Grandma was a housewife and I didn't see anyone lining up to buy shit she made. WTF? So if I'm understanding this, all I have to do to be famous and make millions (and possibly marry a rapper or basketball player) is be a whore, do nothing, be a whore, have absolutely no discernible talent and oh yes, be a whore and make sure everyone on national television knows about it? I think I need to rethink my career choices.

Maybe this was all explained in KiddieGarden and I missed it?