Where the f*** are your manners?

Ugh...every time I go to write a post like this, it reminds me of how much I sound like my Nona (grandma for you "American" people). Where are your manners? Unlike me, my Nona wasn't a big F bomb dropper, so yeah there's that.  I never thought I would long for the days of that stick-up-her-ass Emily Post and her fucking etiquette (pretty ironic right?) So, my theory is that because everyone has become such a passive aggressive douche nozzle since the advent of social media, we are going to have to lay some of the blame there. Now you know I am not ever in favor of pawning off your responsibility on others, but I am making an exception here. Mostly because the majority of people are fucking ignorant and therefore, they don't even know that they have no manners. The biggest transgression I find is what people believe is okay to say or ask to another live human being. People are too accustomed to being behind the keyboard, venting their frustrations with no consequences or push back and then walking away. NOT real life asshole. In real life if you ask a stupid fucking question or make a stupid fucking remark, you either get told the fuck off or knocked the fuck out. There are some in-betweens, but you know me, I am an extremist at heart. (Insert smiley face here). Unfortunately it doesn't just stop there. People are raising asshole kids with no manners as well. I have a term for little kids who ask without saying please or thank you, regardless of sex, you're Demanda. And in my house, Demanda gets a big fat FUCK YOU!!

I come across this not only in my personal life, but in my professional life as well. (Yes, I have a professional life, and no it's not professional asshole). I don't want to go into the gender inequality of these comments because that would be a whole other post, but seriously, people asked some fucked up shit and make some fucked up comment and then brush it off like nothing. Whatever happened to that saying that your Nona used to tell you "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.". People need to run that shit through their head before they open their fucking mouths. Verbal inappropriateness is just the tip of the iceberg. Now written bad manners (or cyberspace bad manners) are even worse. When there are no eyes to look into or consequence of physical harm, people get pretty fucking ballsy. It has even become a thing when you take it too far "trolling". Seriously?

Now the most important part. It is never okay to demand anything from anyone. I don't care if they are a stranger or related to you. You always HAVE to (notice I didn't say should) say Please and Thank you at the very least. Be the better person and show respect for yourself and for your upbringing. I don't care if the waitress just served you a steaming pile of shit, you say thank you.
And if you want something, even if you're paying for it, you always ask with please. If the world functioned this way, we'd be in a lot better shape. I mean there have been plenty of times where I've asked can you please shut the fuck up? And then am too happy to say You're fucking welcome when someone has taken the time to say thank you. See how nice that is?

And your kids, for pete's sake your kids. Don't raise little douche bags. You know what happens to kid douche bags? Well, I either pimp slap them and we all end up on a TV show OR (and this one is most likely) they grow up to be adult douche bags. Don't have your kid at my house disrespecting me or my shit. Don't make me tell your kid to get their shit together. That's what you gave birth to the little snot dripper for. When my kids were little, they knew the consequences of acting like little douche bags. So they waited for me to leave, and then they did it. Problem solved.

And lastly, social situations require tact and manners for ALL. If someone invites you to a social function, the polite thing is to respond. And a text or email to a mailed invitation is NOT a fucking response you lazy millenial acting piece of shit.  If you don't want to go, don't, but at least tell them you're not coming. Along with financial considerations, there is a lot of thought that goes into a social function believe it or not, from the backyard BBQ to the gala wedding. And for the love of the universe, SHOW UP ON TIME. There is nothing worse than someone entering during the middle of a rite of passage, religious function or gasp...wedding vows. Don't get me wrong, in my reckless youth, I was guilty of such transgressions, but as I got older and wiser (I mean not that much older) I learned quickly. And also, electronic devices have no fucking place at a social function unless the hosts have okayed it. There is nothing worse than a ringing cell phone, some asshole acting like Ansel Adams with their fucking ipad or any such nonsense. And, if you are going to use the devic

e as a babysitter for your kid, silence that shit. I get it, kids are assholes during social events, but manage that shit, start teaching them manners NOW.

Thank you for listening. (see not that hard).