I know what you're thinking. If you have known me for more than 5 minutes, you're expecting the longest list you will ever read in your life...aaannndd...you're probably right. BUT...before you sign and groan and settle in for a long blog post...take note, just kidding, it's going to be a long fucking list!!! :) Everyone has those things that just irk the shit out of us and even though my significant other begs and pleads with me to "just let it go" I can't help it. It's like everyone else learned the right way to do things (and of course by right way, I mean my way) why can't this fucktard right here do the same? I have a whole post about how it's not really judging people and more of making observations of things you observe and if they happen to lead you to make a comment such as "look at that asshole right there", again I contend observation, not judgment. Without further ado ( and yes in an homage to the great David Letterman) my Top Ten things (actually I don't have time or space to write ten, but we can both forgive me) of things that piss me the fuck off. But remember, these are just the top for today.... they are ever changing my friends, ever changing.
It really fucking pisses me off to see stupid people in action. I know that sounds broad and general, but I am at a loss of any other way to describe it. I feel like the balance of power between smart and dumb somehow dramatically shifted in the last couple of decades and that people are either really that fucking stupid or that fucking lazy or a combo of both. Case in point, the Kim Trashdashian (I refuse to give her any real credit) new "coffee table" book came out and it was the #1 pre-order on Amazon. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Is someone starting a new book burning campaign and they wanted to start with the most irrelevant piece of shit ever, please tell me that's the reason. WTF could this attention whore have to possibly offer except for selfies (photoshopped I am sure) and pictures of her piece of shit husband? Ugh, if this is the role model for our teens, we are fucked royally. But a perfect example of stupidity in action....
It really fucking pisses me off that people are so blinded by the media that they don't pay attention to the things that really matter. This really goes hand in hand with the item above, but I mean when we live in a society that is devoting 100% media coverage to something as FUCKING STUPID as "deflategate" do you really have to wonder why the rest of the fucking world hates us? I mean during that week the important news actually was that 6 officers were indicted in the murder (that's right and if you don't like it FUCK YOU) of Freddie Gray. I am sure there were other tragedies and other more important issues as well, like Hillary announcing her candidacy, and while you may not like or support her, at least there's a role model who doesn't have a sex tape, take off her clothes or post selfies like a fucking attention whore that girls can look up to. All I am saying is that if the next generation continues to blindly follow whatever shit is shoveled down their throat, we are in for a sad future my friends.
It really fucking pisses me off that people are willing to donate money to a pizza place who refuses service to people based on their sexual orientation. If you know me you may have the impression that I am somewhat outspoken on the issue of sexuality. Whatever your beliefs, they are yours and I can respect them, to a certain degree. What pisses me the fuck off is that these same hypocrites stand behind the veil of the bible (written a billion fucking years ago) and religion (made up shit by another HUMAN PERSON) to justify their repugnant behavior. This is unacceptable. Stop and think you ignorant mother fuckers. If your child or your sister or anyone close to you comes out as gay are you automatically going to discount the years of love you've had because of how they choose to have sex? Because basically that's what it comes down to. Gay, lesbian, transgender, whatever, they don't love any differently than heterosexuals. It's all the same love. No freedom until we're equal, damn right I support it.
It really fucking pisses me off that Ginger Ale is not an option at most soda dispensers. It's like you only find that shit at liquor stores now a days. Explain this to me, who the fuck puts ginger ale in any kind of mother fucking alcoholic drink? Who, tell me now! This item may seem trivial in light of the other items I've listed above, but it's a serious issue for me. I like no caffeine if I'm going to drink a carbonated beverage and I also love Ginger Ale (as you can tell by my constant capitalization of the words). But seriously, when did Ginger Ale get such a bad rap that it can't even get in on the action but Fanta can? WTF? That shit is likely carbonated Kool-Aid. I'm thinking of starting a petition, so let me now if you're interested.
It really fucking pisses me off that there are so many god damn fucking Marvel movies. I mean seriously, I know it's called Marvel Universe, but how many of these mother fuckers can there really be? I mean, understand that my significant other is a Marvel fan like no other and I get dragged to every single movie. Some of them are entertaining, but come on, when Paul Rudd is being tapped for a superhero role (albeit it Antman) I mean we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel now. And no offense to Paul Rudd he's a funny guy and all, but come on... a super fucking hero? Get the fuck out of here. I mean how much money does that old fucker Stan Lee really need? I mean isn't he like 152 years old by now? And don't even get me started on the reboots, retakes, redos or whatever the fuck they call them. Not that DC is any better (I mean they fucking have Ben Affleck as Batman for Christ sake) but at least it doesn't seem like they are flooding the market. But considering Marvel is owned by the second most evil corporation on the planet (Disney) it kind of makes sense I guess. Next reboot.....Tom Brady and his wife starring in Captain Deflateable Balls and the woman who loves him anyway!
It really fucking pisses me off that they continue those fucking the most interesting man in the world commercials. That mother fucking dude hasn't been interesting in like two years. At first, they were really good, but now. FUUCCKKK, I heard one the other day about the most interesting man in the world and a piñata. A fucking piñata? Are you kidding me? I mean kudos Dos Equis for coming up with this generation's version of Spuds McKenzie (if you don't know who that is, go fuck yourself) or the Wassup guys, but now, it's time to retire that shit. I mean the dude in the commercial is at his retirement age now anyways. Let him just move on to Viagra commercials or AARP shit. It's time. I don't always hate beer commercials, but when I do, it's because they ARE FUCKING STUPID NOW!!!
Hope you enjoyed the list, if not, fuck you. :)