Merry Fucking Christmas-2014

Well, we're here, again. Every fucking year it comes back. Can't get out of it. Christmas is around the corner. Last year I told you all not to buy your kids expensive shit they don't need and to cop to the truth about Santa. I bet you didn't. Chicken shits! This Christmas I am not going to try and convince you what the right thing to do is, because you will just do whatever the fuck you want anyways. Fuckers. What I will do is tell you what I want for Christmas this year. Yeah, that's right, I got shit that I want and plenty of it. And it may not all be delivered by a fat white dude who plays with elves (let that picture get burned into your mind... not so jolly, huh?). So without further delay, as I can see your breathless anticipation is building......

I want world peace. I know that sounds corny and cliche, but trust me, this shit worries me. Any crazy fucker with a couple of ounces of uranium and a vendetta can seriously fuck shit up. Especially around this all important time of year people get crazy. Well, crazy people get crazier. In the immortal words of Rodney King..."Can't we all just get along?"

I want people to stop acting like assholes. I know this is a really really big wish, but in light of recent events, I can't help thinking we are on the path to doomdom. Yes, doomdom live with it. But seriously, police fucking with people (and by fucking with I mean killing) and people fucking with police (but not killing them) it worries me what the future holds for the next generation. No matter what your beliefs are with respect to the law, gun control etc. I truly believe that it can be resolved if people stopped acting like asshole for 5 fucking minutes and started acting like humans again, seriously. 

I want the entertainment world to drastically change. I want actors, singers, producers and everyone else associated with the "entertainment" industry to not make millions of dollars for doing nothing. Stop and think about this for a minute. You are willing to succumb to the EVER CLIMBING prices of going to a movie, but if your kids teacher sent around a petition asking for money for school supplies, your dumb ass would be up in arms complaining about the fact that public education is supposed to be free. It's not fucktard, you are supposed to HELP. You are willing to contribute to the lavish and ridiculous lifestyles of people whose only talent is being really good storytellers, manipulators and liars. That is what it boils down to. You idolize people who live a fantasy life everyday and are in no way in touch with reality. Are they curing any diseases? Are they making anyone's life better? (And no fucking entertaining someone doesn't make their life better. It allows them to escape their shitty life for a few hours) 90% of these people don't have any formal education or marketable skills and are a waste of space. Yet, millions of people flock every weekend to throw their money at them. Wake the fuck up and realize that celebrities don't love you back. 

I want someone to find a cure for stupid. Seriously. I mean that pretty much says it all, but if you need further explanation, maybe you can volunteer to be one of the first test subjects.... ;)

I want professional athletes to make the same amount of money that teachers do. Whether that means that athletes take a HUGE pay cut or that teachers get a HUGE raise, I'm fine with it. I think teachers should have to compete for their jobs just like athletes and be subject to public scrutiny just like athletes. I think that athletes should have to re-certify their abilities to remain professional athletes every year which includes "off the field" behavior and ethics, just like teachers. Can you fucking imagine how many assholes would lose their jobs on both sides? LOL. Classic. 

I want people to mind their own fucking business. It's none of your fucking business what other people think about you. It's none of your fucking business who fucks who and how they do it. It's none of your fucking business how anyone lives their life unless they are directly, physically hurting yours. It's none of your fucking business if people want to marry each other or they don't. It's none of your fucking business if I want to worship the devil or whatever the fuck false idol I want to, it's none of your fucking business. You know what is your business? YOUR OWN FUCKING LIFE!! Take care of your shit and I will take care of mine. Go the fuck to work, to church,
to school or wherever it is you want to go. I won't bother if you don't bother me.

Ooh...you know what else would be really beneficial to all of mankind? If our government just finally came out and admitted that they were all of bunch of money grubbing, lying douchebags who are only in politics for the money and power. If they finally admitted that they don't give a flying fuck about the general public and that there really is no bi-partisan system, it's just one big party of ASSHOLES. If they finally admitted that big business runs this country not the person sitting in the white house or the fucktards who pretend to be in Congress or the Senate. That would at least let people know where they stand and maybe, just maybe, people would stop voting like it's a fucking high school popularity contest and voting in people who actually knew what the fuck they were doing.

So, if right about now you're feeling like "gee, I don't think I can get here any of those things on her list"...don't worry! I will post my "I'm a materialistic d'bag like the rest of us" Christmas list on my FB page!!! Just kidding...maybe.

Have a very Merry Fucking Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Ramadan and Happy Holidays!!!

Thank you Derek Jeter...

I know you've all been wondering, where is the blog post for Derek Jeter? My personal all time favorite baseball player from the greatest team ever invented. (This is where all Bosox fans can just stop reading... I joke I joke). Has there ever been a more dignified, classier player than Derek Jeter? Sure, you can make the argument that there have been some before him (Roger Maris, Roberto Clemente, Cal Ripken Jr., Yogi Berra) but something that Harold Reynolds said (I know, I was shocked something intelligible came out of his mouth as well) on ESPN the other day that really struck a chord. Derek was able to remain classy and basically scandal free in TODAY'S day and age. I mean think about it. In an age where selfies are the requirement, phones can take and upload videos in 2 seconds flat and where for as vast as the world wide web is, we all seem to be way up in each other's business, this man has remained with a reputation that is untarnished. So, in my own personal way, I am sharing with you my Thank You letter to Derek Jeter. (I haven't emailed it out yet...so tell me what you think...lol)

Dear Mr. Jeter, (I mean we're not friends...yet. I'd like to keep it professional until then)

Thank you for being the class act person that you are. While I don't profess to know you personally, I can appreciate the public persona that is Derek Jeter. I appreciate that the fact that in a world where scandal and disappointment seem to be the norm, you have been able to hold your head up high and continue going to your job everyday and realize that it's just that, a job. Sure, it's a hell of a job to have and certainly a coveted job, but a job none the less. Integrity, commitment, achievement and philanthropy are the values I see when I watch you do your job. Certainly family values appear to be a top priority for you as well as evidenced by the support of your parents at every step of your journey. The fact that you value family above all else is a nod to your upbringing. I can't imagine the pride your parents must have felt every time they watched you step onto the field and conduct yourself like a true professional. I am sure they swell with even more pride at all of your even more important accomplishments (Turn 2 Foundation, etc.). Thank you for keeping your mouth shut. I truly mean that. I appreciate that you realize that you are not a psychologist, a doctor or even a politician and that you're just a guy doing a job.(Again, doing a HELL of a job) Thank you for using your celebrity for meaningful projects and not using it to push your social, political or even professional agendas. Thank you for reminding everyone that hard work still matters and taking pride in your work is still valued. Thank you for being one of the best shortstops that the NY Yankees have ever had. Thank you for taking your role as Captain seriously and treating it as more than just a random title thrown at you by the boss (may he rest in peace). Thank you for showing men that you can date all the women you choose to (and well, let's be candid here, you've dated a lot) and still be a gentleman about it. Thank you for sacrificing your body for a game that many New Yorkers value so dearly and bringing a smile to their faces even if it's only a game.Thank you for respecting those that came before you, respecting those you played with and against and paving the way for those who will come after you. Thank you for never, ever, ever, making race an issue.Thank you for giving me many great days and nights at the old and new Yankees stadiums that I've shared with friends and family alike. Thank you for flipping that ball to Jorge Posada and getting Jason Giambi out at home.And most importantly Mr. Jeter,  a sincere, heartfelt Thank you for kicking the shit out of Boston through the years, I mean really, I can't thank you enough for that one. 
I will miss you, New York City will miss you and baseball fans all over the world will miss you. 

Yours truly and your future BFF, 
Jennifer 
P.S.-I even wore the #2 when I played softball a few years back....it didn't make me any better, but it sure looked good. ;0) 

Go the Fuck "home"....

Ahh..it's that time of the year again. What's that, summer you say? Nope. It's World Cup time. If you don't know what the World Cup is it's like the Superbowl of soccer (football to the rest of the world except for us arrogant Americans). This trophy is more coveted than the Stanley Cup, World Series title and any lame golf title you can think of COMBINED. Fanaticism is a must. All out loyalty to your team a must. And here's where it get interesting for me. And by interesting, I mean FUCKING IRRITATING. I have two favorite World Cup teams USA and Italy. You'll notice I said USA first and Italy second. That's because I am an American. I was born in America, have always lived in America, however, much like 75-80% of Americans, I am first/second generation American. Italian on my mother's side, Swedish on my father's. If Sweden were in the World Cup they would be my third favorite team. Really, it's not that I prefer my mother to my father, it's mostly because I feel closer to Italian culture than I do Swedish, it's the way I was raised. However, again, you'll note, favorite team...USA. If the USA were to play a match (that's a game for the Americans) against one of those two other favorite teams, I would be rooting for the USA. You know why? Because I am a FUCKING AMERICAN. I live here, I pay taxes here, I enjoy the freedom (thanks to my military friends..shout out) of being an American. Is it the greatest country in the world... FUCK NO. It has its problems and at times I want to pack up and move to Europe, but it's home. It's where I raised my kids and probably will die here. Currently I reside in Southern California, the Los Angeles area to be specific and well, let me just say that there are people who reside here who don't share my views. There are people who were born here (not even first or second generation but come from families who HAVE NEVER BEEN to their so called "home country") who would celebrate nay thoroughly bathe themselves in the glory of a USA defeat. Are you fucking kidding me? Because I am an equal opportunity discriminator, the "home country" of which I am referring to in this particular instance shall remain nameless, however I believe you get my point. I do not understand this act of treason. Okay, maybe a bit dramatic, but come on. Even if you are someone who became a US citizen, you are obviously here for the perks. I mean let's face it, nobody ever seeks asylum in let's say Rwanda. (I mean if you're coming from a  place worse than Rwanda, I am very sorry for you) You come here to take advantage of the home of the free and the land of the brave. But really mostly you come here for the OPPORTUNITY this country affords you. Say what you will about the USA, but it's still the only place I know where you can be sleeping on the street one day and living in a mansion in Silicon Valley the next and you don't even have to be related to anyone or be smart. Come on, name another place like that. A place where you can call the president a racially derogatory term and not be thrown in prison for the rest of your life or worse, executed. Do these traitors understand that their so called "home country" doesn't give a FLYING FUCK about them? Are you fucking kidding me? Go on vacation to one of these awesome countries that you love so much and let me know how it goes when you start demanding equal rights or that your DEMAND THAT THEY SPEAK ENGLISH. What the holy fuck shit are you talking about? Again, the only country I know where in certain cities (Los Angeles) you can take the DMV test (that's where you get the driving stuff done) in 18 different languages. I did not randomly pick that number, that is the actual number. However, last I checked, all street signs, written in English. Go complain about that to your special country's government and see if they don't give you the international you're number one sign!! Come on. Your reap the benefits of a capitalist system, if you desire, a welfare state and a pseudo-democratic lifestyle and you're going to "viva..." whomever against the USA? You know what I say to that? FU..I mean for shame! And then I say FUCK YOU. Do not misunderstand this as a stand against immigration. I could give a shit less who we let into this country as long as they don't harm it (or me)
and are willing to work to be here. Nobody should get a freebie in any country and we are the only ones in the world that hand it out like candy, again, while most of these immigrants come here in the first place. All I'm saying is that if you want to live here then live here, participate and be patriotic. You take the 4th of July off as a paid holiday, right? Okay then.. you should be flying red, white and blue flags before all others. If the USA isn't playing against your team, have at it my fellow footballers, but when the time comes I better here the loudest U-S-A coming from the crowd and nothing else. And if you don't like my opinion and you think this country sucks......then GO THE FUCK HOME!!  

This has been a public service announcement on behalf of Jurgen Klinsmann (just kidding....ha ha the US coach is an immigrant as well!!! ) 

Things I've learned.....

In my very short time on this planet (wink, wink), I've attained my fair share of knowledge. Not necessarily Neil Degrasse Tyson knowledge, but you know the shit that gets you through the day, with a smile. Some of it skewed to my POV, some it wise and some of it just plain fucking true. So you all know how much I love bullet points and lists, so here's what I've learned.

I've learned that no matter how many fucking times you lecture your kids, they are going to do whatever the fuck they want. You know why? Because they're related to YOU! 

I'ver learned that what people think about you is none of your fucking business. Seriously, there is more important shit in the world, keep it moving. 

I've learned that most people only remember the bad and have a difficult time recalling or even creating the good. 

I've learned that you cannot do the same shit at 20, that you can at 30 or that you can at 40. Notice how that progressed into a positive with no regrets there..take a lesson

I've learned that no matter what your faith, it blinds you to the truth. 

I've learned that there are always going to be skinny bitches and you are probably not one of them.  

I've learned that you should ALWAYS buy the shoes, ride the ride, say what's on your mind and never sweat the small stuff. Life is too short. 

I've learned that little kids are actually pretty fucking smart and make more sense that most adults I know. 

I've learned that discrimination runs about as rampant as any terminal disease and lasts about as long.

Ive learned that freedom isn't free. Thank you to all my military people. :)

 I've learned that ugliness has nothing to do with your physical appearance. Beauty fades and ugliness on the inside lasts a lifetime.

I've learned that everyone is born free, good and loving. It's walking around this planet that fucks your shit up. 

I've learned that I should have paid more attention to the stories my grandparents told. That was some valuable free advice and a roadmap from where I came. 

I've learned that just because you are a woman with a child does not make you a mother and just because you gave birth doesn't make you a mom.

I've learned that I have less patience for bullshit as I get older. LOL..imagine me with even less patience. 

I've learned that the people I thought would be in my life forever, didn't even make it to the halfway point.... their loss. 

I've learned (the absolute hard way) that just because you have a mouth, doesn't mean you always should feel the need to use it. 

I've learned that no matter how much you may be irritated by your family, you will miss them when they are gone. Family is the truest form of forced socialization, gotta love it. 

I've learned that whether or not you believe it, Karma believes in you. And the rumors are true! 

I've learned that no matter how hard you try, your shit is never going to look as good as it does on Pinterest. True story. 

I've learned that the "perfect" size is whatever mother fucking size I am wearing that day! 

I've learned that when there isn't any love left, most of the time, there wasn't ever any love.

I've learned that I may not be perfect, but I'm pretty fucking close.  ;) 

And last but not least, but absolute all time favorite thing in the world.....
I've learned that people may not remember what you said, or what you did but they will ALWAYS remember how you made them feel. 

You can't cure stupid... A true story.

There are treatments for a LOT of diseases out there, there are less cures (because the money is not in the cure.. don't get me started), but there are medications($$) you can take, things you can do to alleviate pain and discomfort from some of the most common diseases, but Stupid, not so much. Stupid may or may not be genetically passed along. I mean I have known entire families to be pretty fucking stupid, but not always. Stupid can be caused by a traumatic blow to the brain, however generally Stupid is just a way of life for the more than 75% of the world that suffer with it. Stupid doesn't discriminate either, black, white, hispanic, male, female, young, old it is an equal opportunity affliction. Generally the afflicted don't have a clue they are afflicted, which makes it a difficult affliction to deal with, but by definition alone, I guess it's not surprising that they are unaware. Here is the dictionary definition of Stupid: lacking intelligence or common sense. 

Hmmm.. where to go from there. Stupidity is one of my pet peeves. For those that know me well, they know that stupidity is one of the top three things that will definitely get you punched in the face. Some of you are wondering, what about the people that can't help being stupid. Let me define Stupid for you, MY way. Stupid people are people who just don't give a fuck about what comes out of their mouths, what actions they take and have an overall absence of intelligence in making life choices. 

By most accounts, 90% of people who actually have the balls to call themselves a "celebrity" are stupid. Sure they make money (but that's YOUR fault) but money is not a cure for stupidity. If you apply my definition of stupid to celebrities, you see that they ALL generally meet the requirements. Saying shit without regard for whether it's actually true or makes any fucking sense all the damn time, doing shit that is just senseless all the time and making choices that are just fucked up without any thought process at all (just think Miley Cyrus licking shit all the fucking time). 

Generally children suffer from this affliction, but admittedly their stupidity can be cute at times and they eventually grow out of it. But just think of some of the shit that has come out of kids mouths. But at least they have the excuse of no life experience. I mean eventually these little bastards gain some life experience and common sense and can overcome. But not all the time. Sometimes they can't overcome the affliction and they become, you guessed it, stupid fucking adults. 

Adults that suffer from stupidity are easily identifiable. They generally make no fucking sense when speaking about any topic and have to raise their voice to cover up their stupidity. They suffer from the overwhelming side effects of stupidity which can include, but are not limited to, random bouts of silence when asked any kind of question, speaking incoherently, citing other stupid people as a form of logic, answering a question WITH ANOTHER FUCKING QUESTION, and just basically talking out of their asses. Stupid people also tend toward the dramatic, again to draw attention away from their affliction. They have extreme opinions on topics such as religion, politics and the weather. However these opinions are based on zero facts and if they do happen to cite a fact, again it's generally from another stupid person. The worst part about stupid people however, has to be their decision making abilities, or rather lack thereof. It's scares the shit out of me to think that these people vote, procreate, and drive. Stupid people driving is of epidemic proportions out here in LA (that's Los Angeles, not Louisiana...that kind of stupidity is another blog altogether). Blinkers, brake pedals and common sense are all in the shitter when stupid people drive. 

The sad truth is that many of these people will drift through life annoying the fuck out of the rest of us. So, the best thing we can do is keep sending research monies to find some way to cure this disease, just like we do for all of the other diseases they eventually found cures for......um...polio (thank you Dr. Salk, who asked for like $1.50 and got the job done). Until then, just suffer through and keep your punching in the face skills sharp. And remember what the immortal George Carlin said: "Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that"

What it's REALLY like to be a woman

People often ask me what it's like to be a woman. Fuck no they don't because they know I would slap the shit out of them and tell them to mind their own fucking business. LOL. The wonderful that is me. But seriously... I know it can be confusing for men and hell even for some women, but ladies, here it is, the true dirt, the good, the bad and the ugly for all to see. These remarks may resemble you and you may resent them....too fucking bad. Suck it up and put on your big girl panties. Recognize the glory that is you, even if part of the glory is your tits hanging down to your knees. ;)

Well, let's start off in the beginning. First off, when you're born a girl, half the population automatically hates you, and they (and you) don't even know why. As much as it pains me to admit it, women are genetically predisposed to not like other women. I don't know if it's the so called Queen Bee syndrome (only one ruler of this hive) or the fact that it's a bitch eat bitch world out there and anything you can do to reduce the competition, well hey. So there's that..being born despised.

 From there it's pretty much the same shit throughout elementary, junior high and high school. All the girls (future women) hating you, competing with you and overall just fucking up your life. I know it sounds bleak right? Well, it kind of is. But I am jumping a bit ahead. I don't want to forget the most awesome part about becoming the woman that we all want to be. You're minding your own business one day and then BAM. Like a fucking gut check punch, you start gushing blood out of your female parts for no reason. Well, there's a reason, but it's a stupid one. And now every month you have a wonderful stabbing sensation in your uterus and if you're really lucky you get the matching migraine accessory to go with it! So now, you've got bitches hating you, competing with you AND your own body fucking up your shit. Not a pretty story. 

So you get through high school... finally. And yeah, sure, there are a few "sisters" that you make along the way, promoting you, supporting you, listening to your crazy rants about how asinine the whole high school pop culture life is and about how Johnny Utah should have asked you to the prom instead of Suzie the high school slut. So, you make it to college. And you're expected to be smart, but not too smart. Sexy, but not too sexy. And find yourself, but just act like a lady while you do it. If you're going to have your girl on girl experimentation, for God's sake don't fucking videotape it. (I've heard that's bad). And then there's this sex thing. I mean, most girls have probably had sex before college, but I decided to put this part here because it's my fucking blog and I can do whatever I want. So, you finally have that "magical"moment and you know what you realize? That even if you're fucking the Tiny Tim of all dicks out there it FUCKING HURTS. There's no amount of love or lube that can take the pain of the first time away. And if you say it didn't hurt, you didn't do it right. You eventually hit your stride, get over the pain and figure out a way to orgasm, because Lord knows that 90% of the time, your partner sure won't figure that shit out for you. And then you discover the wonderful world of yeast infections, kidney infections and my all time favorite bacterial infections. (I am assuming that you're all not that big of a bunch of whores and I am not commenting on the fun world of STD's from a woman's point of view) Basically any time you get an infection "down there" they should just call it crotch rot. Because let me fucking tell you, that's what it feels like and that's sure as fuck what it smells like. Am I right ladies? So hopefully by the time you're 50 and about to hit menopause, you figure that shit out. 

Now the real fun begins. You graduate and you think you're the hottest thing since Prince changed his name to a non verbalized word. You go out into the job market, ready to change the world and guess what? Ain't that a bitch. No matter how great you were in school you are ALWAYS going to make LESS than a man. ALWAYS. Don't fucking comment on this blog and point out the like two fucking chicks that make more for the same job. Don't do it. That's the truth. Tits and ass only get you so far and then, well without the penis, you're just second banana sister. But, despite that you work your ass off. At work and at the gym because of course as a woman, you are expected to live up to the extremely non realistic body images of fashion models, porn whores and actresses. All of whom have professional make up artists, dietitians, personal trainers and of course their best friend in the WORLD....Photoshop. So, you eat like a fucking bird, and train like an Olympic athlete all for what? Self esteem? Pride? Health? FUCK NO. You do it for two fucking reasons. To get a man. (or woman) And to be able to make sure that you look better than all the other bitches out there. True story. Sure, sure, Cosmo has preached self empowerment and blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, those are your two reasons, period. 

So life is going by and of course if you're not married by the time your 21, you're a fucking loser old maid. So you buy into the societal bullshit of this marriage idea and find the perfect man. Charming, handsome, sensitive, ambitious, etc. and you tie the knot. And of course, you live happily ever after, right? FUCK NO. Now, you better start popping out some fucking kids. Because of course, EVERYONE knows that ALL women want to have kids, right? I mean what kind of fucked up bitch are you that doesn't want a snot machine, poop making, bank account draining bundle of joy? You must have been an abused child. WTF? Then you give in and have these 2.1 kids that you raise and that leave your body as a natural disaster zone. And just like the first time you had sex, guess what? THAT SHIT FUCKING HURTS. These little fuckers will tear you a new asshole, literally. They take away your patience, your life and your sanity, but you love them all the same. (Most of the time) And now what? You want to stay home and raise them, right? Because isn't it the lifetime dream of all women to be a "stay at home Mom"? FUCK NO it is not. But you attempt to live up to the unrealistic expectation of being the next June Cleaver and then the kids go off to school and grow up and then what? Then you are back where you started. Finding yourself. I mean every woman always wants to be known as so and so's Mom, right? Of course they fucking don't. OR if you're not one of the lucky ones and you actually have to hold down a job while raising these kids, you are guilted into a lifetime of "absent Mom syndrome". I mean how dare you miss a girl scout meeting or soccer game. Can't you balance working, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, planning birthday parties, driving the carpool, being the team Mom, the night time prostitute for Daddy and of course, let's not forget the accountant, part time nurse/doctor, and therapist? And let's not forget all of the support you WILL NEVER receive from all of the other Mom's out there. Judging you, asking if little Susie even has a Mom because we've never seen her. Sigh, that's right, you've never seen her because she's actually joined the work force and not invented another way to make macaroni stick to a piece of fucking construction paper...groundbreaking shit. 

And then when all the kids are raised, all the money made and the house is quiet and ready for the pitter patter of OTHER people's kids, aka: grand kids, your life winds down and you get to relax and enjoy every moment right? FUCK NO you don't. Because life is just that fair. Nope, you are going to go through the most horrific change of life and fuck your shit up body changing event EVER in the history of human kind. Welcome to fucking Menopause. I mean if men had to go through this shit they would have found a cure a fucking lifetime ago, but nope. Cold sweats, hot flashes, cramps, phantom pain, migraines, hormonal imbalances, and that's just the morning. Let's just say there is such thing as justifiable homicide. 

I know, it sounds so terrible to be a woman. It does. And I admit the above examples are mostly negative, but it doesn't make them any less true. However, I do have a soft side (don't spread that around). I wouldn't change being a woman for anything. I love my body, I love my kids and believe it or not, I actually love my fellow woman. I love that my body is constantly changing for good and bad because it forces me to realize how precious life is. I love that my kids have sucked every dime out of my bank account because they've repaid it a thousand times with all of the joy and love they've given me everyday they've been on the planet. And I didn't even mind the pain... years later. I love that I have a sense of self worth contributing at work and that if I so chose, I would have had that same sense of self worth raising a group of kids into great adults. And even though I earned less than a man, I didn't lose the lesson of a having a good work ethic or the value of earning a living. I don't necessarily love that I wasn't always there for my kids because I was working, but I do love that it taught them to be self reliant and appreciate the time we did have together. 
So fuck those penises and their higher wages. I'm keeping my vagina and ruling the world!
  Love my bitches!!!!