Nominee #1: The person that invented reality TV. I mean you have to be some kind of asshole to unleash this shit on the world. Think of all of the reality "stars" that we wouldn't have to know anything about if it wasn't for this asshole? A Kardashian, Housewives, Honey Boo Boo free world.....if only!
Co-Nominees #2: A certain Rapstar and his um, Ho (I've always wondered it is Ho or Hoe, because really Hoe implies a lawn tool which insert nasty joke here, could apply as well). First for being a couple at all because let's face it, the world doesn't need stupid people breeding anymore than we already have. Second, for naming your spawn a stupid fucking name and really for overall just both being assholes (comparing yourself to Jesus and for selling your Ray J sex tape...WTF?)
Nominee #3: The athletic star (feel free to insert your favorite here) that causes scandal. Whether you ride a bike, bounce an orange ball, hit a little white ball or catch an oddly shaped brown ball...seriously WTF? I mean I know it's partially the publics fault for idolizing you for these ridiculous "talents", but come on. Considering the amount of money you have and people who are willing to kiss your ass, you couldn't pay off the doctor to keep quiet about your drugs? You couldn't pay off the Ho's (or Hoe's) you were fornicating with to keep their fucking mouths shut? They ARE Ho's after all. You couldn't pay off anymore people or destroy anymore evidence when you wanted to kill people? (WTF??) Seriously, these people are a waste of time and space and deserve an award that says so.
Nominee #4: That person at the office that is trying to feed a small village with office potluck food. Seriously, Little Caesar's Pizzas are like $5, come on.
Nominee #5: The US government. I mean really where to begin? So many deserving achievements to list. I mean, prohibiting people from expressing their love in a religious manner that is rewarded with monetary compensation in the form of tax breaks supporting a true separation of church and state.. come on now. Or how about spying on people through their cell phone calls and texts and trying to hide it. Or how about getting rid of the only program that actually united your citizens, the space ships that don't really go anywhere.
Nominee #6 (TIE): The owner of a major football franchise that is the BIGGEST PUSSY on the planet when he let a Russian prick steal his championship ring and not even ask for it back because he was too afraid. Grow a pair you rich douche bag and do what every other rich guy does and pay Liam Neeson to go get your shit back. And then tie goes to the ACTUAL Russian prick who stole the ring.
Nominee #7: Your favorite religious zealot. (Feel free to insert any name you wish here). There are soooo many reasons why this person is deserving of this award, but the MOST important has to be the "blind faith" that this person has. I mean, let's put it in terms that the average (stupid) person can understand. I am going to write a book today and I am going to list a bunch of rules of things you should and shouldn't do, list a bunch of beliefs you should and shouldn't have and then for good measure I am going to throw in a bunch of stories that could absolutely NO WAY have ever happened, ever. And to put the cherry on top, I am going to tell you that a divine inspiration gave me the words to write down. And in 3500 years, you all better be adhering to the letter of the law in my book. So there! And I rest my case.
Nominee #8: The asshole that complains NONSTOP about the government and then admits they didn't vote. WTF? This is the ultimate, nth degree of hypocrisy and this person should be punched in the throat.
Nominee #9: The person (and you ALL know who you are) that doesn't know how to spell, use punctuation or pronounce words properly. There is a difference between their, there and they're. There is a difference between then and than. The word is ASK not AKS. There is an apostrophe in contractions (I know this is a big word, but google it, trust me). I mean seriously, considering that you can type one letter and google, spell check, and the iphone can read your mind, it's ridiculous that these people should be allowed to walk the Earth considering the survival of the fittest theory. Seriously.
Nominee #10: Anyone who ever uses in a sentence, in a FB status update, in a Tweet, etc. the word YOLO. Automatic punch in the throat. No exceptions.
Again, please feel free to make your own nominations, just don't send them to me!!!
Nominee #3: The athletic star (feel free to insert your favorite here) that causes scandal. Whether you ride a bike, bounce an orange ball, hit a little white ball or catch an oddly shaped brown ball...seriously WTF? I mean I know it's partially the publics fault for idolizing you for these ridiculous "talents", but come on. Considering the amount of money you have and people who are willing to kiss your ass, you couldn't pay off the doctor to keep quiet about your drugs? You couldn't pay off the Ho's (or Hoe's) you were fornicating with to keep their fucking mouths shut? They ARE Ho's after all. You couldn't pay off anymore people or destroy anymore evidence when you wanted to kill people? (WTF??) Seriously, these people are a waste of time and space and deserve an award that says so.
Nominee #4: That person at the office that is trying to feed a small village with office potluck food. Seriously, Little Caesar's Pizzas are like $5, come on.
Nominee #5: The US government. I mean really where to begin? So many deserving achievements to list. I mean, prohibiting people from expressing their love in a religious manner that is rewarded with monetary compensation in the form of tax breaks supporting a true separation of church and state.. come on now. Or how about spying on people through their cell phone calls and texts and trying to hide it. Or how about getting rid of the only program that actually united your citizens, the space ships that don't really go anywhere.
Nominee #6 (TIE): The owner of a major football franchise that is the BIGGEST PUSSY on the planet when he let a Russian prick steal his championship ring and not even ask for it back because he was too afraid. Grow a pair you rich douche bag and do what every other rich guy does and pay Liam Neeson to go get your shit back. And then tie goes to the ACTUAL Russian prick who stole the ring.
Nominee #7: Your favorite religious zealot. (Feel free to insert any name you wish here). There are soooo many reasons why this person is deserving of this award, but the MOST important has to be the "blind faith" that this person has. I mean, let's put it in terms that the average (stupid) person can understand. I am going to write a book today and I am going to list a bunch of rules of things you should and shouldn't do, list a bunch of beliefs you should and shouldn't have and then for good measure I am going to throw in a bunch of stories that could absolutely NO WAY have ever happened, ever. And to put the cherry on top, I am going to tell you that a divine inspiration gave me the words to write down. And in 3500 years, you all better be adhering to the letter of the law in my book. So there! And I rest my case.
Nominee #8: The asshole that complains NONSTOP about the government and then admits they didn't vote. WTF? This is the ultimate, nth degree of hypocrisy and this person should be punched in the throat.
Nominee #9: The person (and you ALL know who you are) that doesn't know how to spell, use punctuation or pronounce words properly. There is a difference between their, there and they're. There is a difference between then and than. The word is ASK not AKS. There is an apostrophe in contractions (I know this is a big word, but google it, trust me). I mean seriously, considering that you can type one letter and google, spell check, and the iphone can read your mind, it's ridiculous that these people should be allowed to walk the Earth considering the survival of the fittest theory. Seriously.
Nominee #10: Anyone who ever uses in a sentence, in a FB status update, in a Tweet, etc. the word YOLO. Automatic punch in the throat. No exceptions.
Again, please feel free to make your own nominations, just don't send them to me!!!
