Things I'd rather be doing than working.....

I have been such a slacker. Not at work, who cares, but my poor blog. I have like 7 new posts started, but alas, they remain unfinished. And why, you ask? Stupid work. You know, the thing that actually pays the bills. Stupid fucking work. It's a necessary evil after all. Aside from paying the bills, it also allows me fodder to reflect and review on right here in my blog. Although I really don't actually interact with most of the people at work, I thoroughly enjoy making fun of them. Without their knowledge of course. So in my tribute to the thing that paid for my vacation (barely) here are things I would rather be doing than working.

I would rather be writing a novel. Yes, it is true. The blog is a warm up for me to check off an item on my bucket list. I want to write the next great American novel and have my picture on a marquee out front of Barnes and Noble announcing my reading and book signing of my book. True story. Plus if I make enough money off of the royalties, I won't have to "work" anymore! 

I would rather be thinking up cool ways to irritate my kids. I mean let's face it between the three of them they have given me over 20 years worth of irritating moments, it's only fair that I begin to pay them back! :) Now that they accuse me of lying to them (Santa, Easter Bunny, etc) and not teaching them how to handle money properly (sorry I gave you things you asked for you ungrateful little shits) I figure it would be the least I could do. 

I would rather be finding out creative and awesome new ways to exact karma on people that deserve it. I have a list (in my head) of ALL the people that deserve some kind of "pay back". This would be like finding creative ways to kill people on death row, only on a smaller scale.  

I would rather be watching a TV channel with nothing but the following programming: Knicks games, NYY games, Dolphins games, and ANYthing with the guy from Vikings and the guy from Sons of Anarchy. All day, no commercials. 

I would rather be challenging Kobe Bryant to a "tweet off". Seriously, let's see who can criticize the Lakers faster and better. My money is on me!  

I would rather be thinking up reasons of why I should rule the world. There are many reasons, but the most important would be because then everybody would be doing things the "right' way (aka:MY way).

I would rather be thinking up interview questions for the Supreme Leader of North Korea (that is what he is called, I didn't make that up) Kim Jong-Un. These questions would include things like "How do you think your soccer team will do at the next World Cup?" "How do you feel about the Bulls chances at an NBA title without Michael Jordan?" I would select Diane Sawyer to conduct the interview, because of course EVERYONE loves Diane Sawyer. 

I would rather be thinking up exotic new holidays for everyone to have MORE days off of work. Like celebrating the birth of the person who created chocolate. Celebrating the birth of the woman who gave birth to the person who created chocolate.  Or every woman gets to choose one day per month when she is really PMS'ng and doesn't have to go to work. You get my point here.
I would rather be categorizing by album collection by genre, or by the year I was really INTO said genre or just reveling in the fact that I am so old, I actually have an album collection. Fuck you Itunes and your Genius bullshit.
I would rather be doing Insanity for 12 hours a day so I could find Shaun T one day and be fast enough to run away after I punch him in the face! You can DO it!  Fuck you Shaun T!!
I would rather start becoming the new Martha Stewart. But the cooler, more realistic version. Like this is how you make a gourmet meal when you have ketchup, hamburger helper, two donuts and a banana in your kitchen. And crafts like, using left over toilet paper cardboard as something more useful than just piling it up on the side of the toilet.
I would rather be scouring YouTube for the newest version of Justin Bieber and then train him to be the secret ninja assassin of Justin Bieber. After he of course makes millions singing stupid songs that kids think are awesome and has a cool haircut that looks like a 12th century stable boy!

Alas, I have spent all of my work day avoiding work....yet again! Until next time.....keep on keepin on and remember that you too can shirk responsibilities and become a famous blogger, just like me!!!